Trying to raise my kids the best I can

Spanish Church

2012-01-31T20:06:00.000-05:00

I visited my friend's Spanish church this week. I had a wonderful time and may even go back sometime.

The first thing I noticed was that everyone was dressed up. American churches tend to be more casual. In my church it's a mix, but it's kind of neat how many of us show up in Patriot jerseys on game-day. The second thing I noticed was the number of young men. Not just present but participating. In all my years and in all the dozens of churches I've ever attended in my life I've never seen that before. Clearly they are doing something right.

It was completely in Spanish but the Pastor's (adult) daughter translated the sermon on the mic. It made me think of xenophobic Americans who complain about the occasional Spanish translations. They gladly extended grace to me and my non-Spanish speaking. And not just a little sign or a "press two for English" either. An all out translation- interrupting the sermon every. single. sentence.I felt a little bad for her because it seemed like a lot of pressure to come up with a translation on the spot like that in front of all these people, many of whom spoke both languages. Especially because there were a lot of names that she has probably never had to say in English ever before in her life: Elijah, Elisha, Manasseh, Reuben, Ishmael, Ephraim and Esau. And yes, every one of those was mentioned.

One of the worship songs was salsa style which was fun cuz I kind of felt like I was in a club. But I was in the house of the Lord. Which is kind of what the house of the Lord should feel like sometimes. I appreciated when the song lyrics were projected because I could at least sing along even if I didn't know exactly what they meant. There was one that had a word like, "Guerrilla" in every line and I was so curious what that meant but when I look up that spelling on Google-translate I get nothing.

The pastor was so excited about the word. He showed us the scrap of paper he had written the sermon on and instructed us to be sure to write down what God tells us so we don't forget. The message was so long, he said, it had to be broken into two parts. Next week is on Elijah and Elisha. This week he talked about the special inheritance that the firstborn gets. How the firstborn male gets 2/3rds of his father's money and land. He told the story of how Esau sold his rights to his younger brother Jacob. He told how Reuben blew his chance at his inheritance by sleeping with his step mother. And how God led Jacob to reverse the inheritance between Joseph's sons Manasseh and Ephraim. My son's middle name is Manasseh (named after Joseph's son in the Bible). I was inspired to go home and tell him the story of Joseph. So I did. When I said that Joseph had a son he named Manasseh, which means "God has made me forget my troubles" he was like, "That's my name!"

The pastor talked about how the first in the family to come to the Lord is like the first born and they have a responsibility to lead the rest of the family in spiritual matters. And he said that we should not throw away God's blessing by walking outside of His will. When he got to the tale of the Prodigal Son he said that this was the big revelation he had, or the thing that the Lord revealed to him. And he said that it was that the older brother was "protecting his 2/3rds share" and that contributed to him being so upset about the brother being back. I thought that was a strange revelation and even stranger the excitement it caused the pastor. But maybe I'm misunderstanding. There's probably more next week. Nevertheless it was a good word.

Everyone in the church was just so zealous for the Lord. It was so refreshing. A woman who sang a solo cried during the song and the translator (inexplicably) cried during the sermon. They were just very touched by God. My friend's one year old daughter raised her hand and said hallelujah. (Speaking of which, they pronounce the "j" in that word, whereas English speakers don't. Strangely that is the opposite of how the "j" is pronounced in any other word in those languages). At the end there was an alter call for people who wanted to give their life to the Lord, something I haven't seen in years, since I left the Assembly of God church I once went to. It made me remember why I liked that church so much. There was prayer at the alter (which means the front of the sanctuary). More crying there of course. And then I saw something I've never ever seen before. A little girl - maybe four years old slain in the spirit. It wasn't anything dramatic. She was just laying there. They even put a blanket on her after a little while. Then she got up and ran back to her parents. Skeptics might say she was just copying what she's seen in the past. I'd like to believe it was the Holy Spirit. Either way, it showed just how very Christ centered this church was. It was so refreshing.

At the end everyone invited me to the Tuesday night bible study. Three hours of church is plenty for me for one week. lol. But I can't get the service out of the head. I do want to go back sometime.

I

Why protest GMO's?

2012-01-26T13:25:00.002-05:00

Perhaps you've seen food products that claim "no GMO ingredients". GMO, meaning Genetically Modified Organisms- those scientifically bred grains and produce that the scientist change to make them "better". Perhaps you've wondered "what's the big deal with GMO's?" Like me, maybe you thought- we've been breeding plants since the beginning of time. What's so different about it now? And perhaps you've even heard about the really good things that's come out of genetic modification, like changing crops to increase disease and pest resistance. I mean, how can you argue with a picture like this?
The centre row of potatoes has been genetically engineered to resist pest attack. The others have not.

So what is the big deal about GMO's? Well, back in 2003 when the human genome was completely mapped out, there were found to be only 23,000 genes. About the same number as mice and only twice the number of worms. What this means is that, clearly one gene doesn't control one protein or one trait. Each gene effects many many different things. So when we change the basic genes of an organism, there are going to be many ramifications that we can't possibly predict. And once it is introduced to the environment it can quickly cross pollinate with unaltered varieties.

The company behind genetically modified organisms has been known for egregious ethical actions. They seem to have no moral boundaries and their motivation behind this biology is far from altruistic. This company is Monsanto. Perhaps you are familiar with their creation: Agent Orange - a chemical used in the Vietnam war that caused numerous diseases in our soldiers. Monsanto makes and sells "RoundUp" weed control. While this may seem like a small market household product, it is actually an enormously profitable farming product. Here's the punch-line: the genetic modification is not about creating stronger crops or more robust crops or crops that produce more fruit. The goal of the modification is simply to resist RoundUp - enabling farmers to use it liberally. More importantly, the seeds are also modified so as to not allow a second generation of crops. The seeds are only good for one year. This makes farmers reliant on Monsanto for their seed supply. Farmers who have no interest in these seeds are vulnerable to seed contamination from nearby farms from wind and animal transmission. It routinely scares or sues farmers in this situation. One Canadian farmer, Schmeiser, who was sued by Monsanto was accused him of illegally planting their crops when his field was contaminated by a nearby farm. He went bankrupt fighting Monsanto but eventually won after taking them all the way to the Supreme Court. Slowly taking over the seed market is a part of their insidious plan. They regularly buy out seed companies. Is a company like this supposed to be trusted with the best interest of our health?

Diet Coke

2012-01-17T16:03:00.001-05:00

I've heard how overweight people have taken to drinking Diet Coke to lose weight and then actually get hooked on the taste. I thought it was funny... until it happened to me! Now I won't drink any other cola. It has to be Diet Coke. Yum.

I was telling my friend about this phenomenon and she said that Diet Coke has a lot more caffeine than regular coke. Almost double. I looked and she was right! She suggested that it's the caffeine that you are really hooked on. The more I think about it the more I'm convinced she is right! Your body associates the taste with the buzz! When there is diet coke around I don't just "like the taste" I have to have it. The other day my brother and his wife took me to Chunky's - this theater that serves a meal during the movie.On the way there they asked me "What are you in the mood to eat?" and I was like, "I don't know. I just want a Diet Coke."

That said, I don't drink diet coke very often. Just when it's an option. But it's a great example of how our body can associate things subconsciously - how addiction works - and how a company can utilize this science. I've decided to pull out the old caffeine pills and take them, on occasion, with water. Give a positive association to that healthy drink. I've avoided using them but if I'm honest with myself I do function better with caffeine (and I don't like coffee unless it's loaded with cream and sugar. The last time I drank Dunkin Donuts for a week I gained five pounds. So that option is off the table).

I know that companies are always trying to manipulate our senses to influence our buying decisions. For instance there is research on the right smells to induce spending money. We should use these effective techniques in our own life. For instance - the smell thing - they say that men are most attracted to cinnamon. As well as a few other scents. "My" perfume is Angel, which has a bit of a vanilla smell to it, so I think I have this one covered though I'd be interested in finding a one with a hint of cinnamon.

New Hampshire Primary

2012-01-11T12:49:00.003-05:00

I was very excited to see the results!
Romney coming in first was to be expected but I was psyched that Ron Paul had a good showing and came in second! and absolutely thrilled that Huntsman came in third because in this quiz a lot of people match with Huntsman - Democrats and Republicans alike. Yet "no one has heard of him" which is how his commercial ends around here... "How come we haven't heard of him?" So to hear that he is up and coming and THANK GOODNESS beating Santoro, makes me very happy. Honestly, I would be OK with Obama, Romney, Paul or Huntsman being our president so we are on the right track.

If that confuses you, let me explain... They each possess a little something that I believe in. Which is why I need to run for president so I can have it all.

With Obama- well, I'm a liberal democrat so he's my first choice. My vote really goes to healthcare policy more than anything.

With Romney- well he was a really good governor to my state. I trust his business sense. And his universal health care here in Massachusetts rocks.

With Huntsman: Like I was saying- So many others and I matched up with him, I just feel like he's a good, solid, middle of the road candidate.

Ron Paul - There's two halves to libertarianism in my mind. Keeping the government out of MY life. Heck yeah. I support that 100%. And keeping the government out of, well... everything else. I disagree vehemently there. I believe we take care of our own (social liberalism) and regulate the bleep out of corporations. So with Ron Paul I support 1/2 of his goal and feel like our country has strayed so far from that goal that we need someone radical like Paul to take us back, or at least bring light to the problem. There are other things he believes that are"outside the box" that I like about him. His theories on Iran, the CIA, the federal reserve, etc. I like that he doesn't just buy what the media tells.

Some of the personal freedoms that we need to go back to: (I've said them before but I don't feel like it can get discussed enough and these are specific examples of why I could support Paul despite being a liberal democrat)

Homeschooling rights
Take the power back from child protective services
Open-carry gun laws for all states (I believe this will reduce crime)
Raw milk freedom
Freedom to "play with" fireworks
Freedom to not wear a seat-belt if so inclined
Nurse Practitioners free from Physician oversight
Selling food! I want to sell pizza to my neighbors but it's not allowed from a residential kitchen.
Marijuana- Keeping this illegal is funding the Mexican drug war which is getting very serious and out of control and hurting our borders. Plus a waste of our taxpayer money and resources, contributing to overcrowded jails.

(Most of these, by the way are currently in place in good ole New Hampshire, of which I'm 30 miles to the south. Why don't I live there? )

Other personal freedoms, I'm not sure why Ron Paul doesn't support are abortion and gay marriage. (Both legal in NH though).

An Etheopian Tribe

2012-01-08T18:15:00.001-05:00

I was watching a documentary on NatGeo about a tribe in Africa. It was very antiquated. We are all familiar with these societies. I've seen the pictures. I've even watched other shows about other tribes. And this one showed nothing that I wasn't already aware that existed out there. But seeing it with my own eyes was just mind boggling. I spent much of the show with my jaw physically dropped.

Some of the things that just astounded me:

The whole dowry thing. These men had to pay for their wives with entire herds of cows. The poorer men had to ask their friends to donate cows. They would go through intense negotiations with the other family. Mostly involving the woman's family saying "we need more cows". Hands down the best quote was this father who said, "My daughter is beautiful. She is a hard worker. I will give her to..." (and I'm expecting him to say something like "a good man") but he finished with "the man who gives me the most cows". Whaaaaaaa?
They showed a man buying a wife. Then they go to the wedding and the girl is thirteen!!!! I nearly crapped my pants. I was so relieved when they said she would stay with her family until she was older.
Certain members of the tribe were very beautiful to me and others were ugly. It was interesting to me that even across different cultures we can still recognize this concept of beauty. Also, the people that they called beautiful were the same ones that I found beautiful.
I was absolutely shocked when they showed a woman grinding grain. She was scraping at it with a rolling-pin like tool. The narrator said she does this for three hours a day. It made me very grateful for my leisurely life and ashamed of the way I am annoyed by my own chores.
When all the men were away from the village some of the women sat with the camera crew and allowed themselves to be interviewed. They said they have a hard, sad life. :( They said they have no rights and that their husbands hold it over their heads that they bought them for a lot of cows. They say that many of their husbands are not good. They said that they would be beaten if the men knew that they were even talking to the camera crew. I was very sad for them.
The tribe finds it fashionable to dye their hair orange by rinsing their heads in COW PEE. (Note: while the cow is peeing). The orange color was actually a kind of a natural, pleasant color, but seriously?? Cow pee?
This was perhaps the most disturbing thing: if a cow wasn't giving milk the young boys would stimulate it to give milk by "orally copulating" it. That's an exact quote. And the camera showed it, to my horror and captivation.

I saw a lot of breastfeeding, which was very nice to see and in that small way I felt connected to the women: a common bond across cultures so different. We all love and feed and comfort our children the same.

Two questions I had while watching it: how is it that some societies did not develop? Though I think I know the answer to that. I was reading about evolution and talked about how advances came about because of people coming together, learning from each other and contributing to the development of society and it gave the example of "the pencil story" which talks about how no one person can make a pencil. Can you cut the wood? Mine the graphite? Insert it in the middle? Create the eraser? Attach it with the fancy medal thing? Create the paint? Type the little letters: "no. 2" on the side? No. A simple pencil wouldn't exist without the cooperation of an enormous amount of people. So these nomadic, isolated tribes never had enough contact with other people.

The second question I had was why black people often have blood shot eyes. I googled that and couldn't find the answer.

So in conclusion, I basically walked away from the show very very grateful to be a woman in a nation of prosperity and freedom.

The Occupy Manifesto

2011-10-14T19:13:00.284-05:00

By The People and For the People

Part 1: The Problem

Part 2: What We Demand

The Problem: Corporate greed gone unchecked. It threatens capitalism by giving large corporations unfair advantages. It threatens capitalism by oppressing the lower class with slavery in the form of debt and insufficient wages. It has threatened American democracy for years from the shocking power of lobbyists. It has now put democracy on the verge of destruction because of the January 21, 2010 Supreme Court's ruling giving corporations the same constitutional rights as human beings.

The slogan "I am the 99 Percent" is in reference to the fact that 1% of the population makes more money than the combined other 99% in America. The richest 400 Americans, as enumerated in Forbes magazine, own more wealth than half of the country's population. This means that the top .0000035 percent makes more than the bottom 50% of our population combined. According to the Gini index - a rating of national inequality, our country's inequality ranks somewhere between Haiti (less equal wealth distribution) and Cambodia (more equal wealth distribution). Why should we care? Because this inequality is the root of our country's financial dire straits.

This isn't about politics. This isn't about left or right. Liberal or conservative. Republican or Democrat. This is an issue of economic injustice. Both sides of the political spectrum have tremendous concerns about the way money is being handled. It's time to stand up now and force change.

This isn't just an American problem. If this were merely about the income disparity in America, this would not be a worldwide movement. There would not have been demonstrations on October 15th 2011 in Rome, London, Toronto, Paris, Madrid, Taiwan, Seoul, Hong Kong and Tokyo among other cities. Income disparity and unchecked corporate greed threatens this experiment we call democracy all across the world.

Our Demand: Ending extreme wealth disparity. How?

1) Forced corporate restraint. Government regulation sounds like an encroachment on freedom for you and me. But it is not. It is the creation of freedom for you and me. It is the restraint on corporations who are, by their very essence, incapable of pursing any goal except those that benefit the shareholders. Deregulation was responsible for allowing predatory lending, causing a massive increase in bankruptcy and soaring bank profits. When Sears makes more money from interest rates on their Sear's cards than they do in actual merchandise sales you know there is a problem. Deregulation was partly responsible for the rapid spike in oil prices because of the deregulation of futures trading from the "Commodity Futures Modernization Act of 2000" now known as the "Enron Loophole". Deregulation, in the form of The Financial Services Modernization Act of 1999 removed requirements for banks to maintain enough equity to cover their risky investments. We've had enough of unchecked greed. Government intervention is needed to reverse all of the destructive regulation. It is also needed to break up media conglomerates, to prevent news reporting from being controlled by single corporations and their advertising sponsors.

3) Tax fairly. The top 1% of income earners pays a smaller percentage of their incomes to taxes than the 9% just below them. End this now. Starting with taxing capital gains at the same rate as income. Close tax loopholes. Get rid of all tax shelters, starting with Delaware, one of the largest tax shelters in all the world.

4) Institute fair usury laws in all 50 states making outrageously high interest rates no longer legal.

5) A Constitutional amendment to overturn the Supreme Court's decision to give corporations the same First Amendment rights as people. If we don't reverse this decision our democracy is doomed. It is currently for sale to the highest bidder. It has turned our republic into an oligarchy, one step closer to a monarchy.

6) Discourage companies from sending jobs overseas by implementing a tax on that practice. Pass reform forcing the Chinese government's currency manipulation.

7) A living wage for all. In 2004, when the statistic was last researched, there were only 4 counties in America in which a person working for minimum wage could afford a one-bedroom apartment. Until we have achieved a minimum legal standard we will fight this problem by strengthening unions and putting pressure on specific institutions and corporations to do the right thing, like the Harvard University protesters did in October of 2011.

This document is by The People and for The People. If you want to make a contribution, suggestion, correction or comment please email occupymanifesto@gmail.com

A recent 911 call

2011-09-12T21:44:00.001-05:00

Well I'll start with the funny part, the punchline so-to-speak. I almost gave a seizing man some wine. lol.

OK, now the story. Timmy and I and the baby and three year old were driving in the car. We were in a bit of traffic, stuck at a red light. On the side of the road there was a man laying on the sidewalk having what looked like a seizure. We, of course, called 911. I said there was a man lying on the sidewalk and the operator said, "Andover street?" in a bored voice like she had gotten a dozen calls already. I'm sure she did. I'm sure every car stuck in that traffic had called. But, to my dismay, not a single person got out of their car. I told Timmy I was going to go, but he insisted that he go. So he does and quickly comes back and tells me that he's diabetic. I start looking around frantically for some sugar or juice and was happy to discover a cup of grape juice in the cup-holder. I run over to the man and I'm smelling it and I'm like, oh shoot, this is wine. My mind is racing: should I give this to him or not?! I'm just about to give him a sip but Timmy says, "no! Are you crazy?" and he takes the cup from me. Meanwhile, with us standing there two other people finally get up the nerve to come out of their car. I ask them frantically if they have any juice or sugar because he's diabetic (and presumably going into diabetic shock). Nobody did so I felt really helpless. I'm just squatting next to him, rubbing his stomach and telling him it's going to be OK and that we called the ambulance. He's confused and telling me that he's dying. (I tell him he's not). He's still twitching all over. A police officer pulls over and the cop walks up. He's so nonchalant. He leans over and asks the guy in somewhat sympathetic voice if the guy had been drinking today. The man says yes. and the cop says something like "yeah, that's a bitch. Gotta be careful with that." I wasn't surprised because he kind of looked like the stereotypical "bum". In retrospect, the wine probably would have been a good call. ha ha. The man asks us to call the police and I say that one is right here. I'm getting really impatient now and looking down the streets for an ambulance. We are like one block from a hospital! What the heck?! Meanwhile the cop is just standing there all calm and unconcerned and I'm both annoyed and turned on by that. On the one hand this guy is practically having a seizure in front of us! And on the other hand, he's all calm and collected like he's done this a million times before. There's a group of us. I'm the only one next to him trying to comfort him but there is absolutely nothing we can do. Timmy is like, "let's go" and I say no but then Timmy reminds me that the baby is (probably) crying in the car and, remembering that, I jump up and run to the car. We drive away and I'm sure the guy is OK. Meanwhile, Timmy is berating me, "I can't believe you almost gave that guy wine!! How would we explain that to the cop- where an open cup of wine came from?" We had a good laugh over that one.

Interesting sermon today

2011-08-14T11:03:00.001-05:00

The guest preacher today, Rev. Rolan DeLoach, gave me a copy of his notes so I could type a part of the sermon here. I thought it was interesting.

We read about all kinds of stones in the Bible. We read about stones used to:

build alters
bring glory to God
mark boundaries
recall covenants
build a tower to glorify man
throw at people

We read about stones used as:

a firm foundation
cornerstones
capstones used to finish a building or arch
stumbling blocks

We read about requests for stones to be turned into bread. Stones that cry out if the people did not. Stones that are discarded.

2011-08-10T16:10:00.000-05:00

"participants in the fear condition reported eating more servings of fruits and vegetables after exposure to a loss-framed message than to a gain-framed message. In contrast, participants in the anger condition reported eating (marginally) more servings of fruits and vegetables after exposure to a gain-framed message than to a loss-framed message." ~July 2011 Health Psychology

Interesting. Thought provoking.

Drama from a few years ago explained

2011-05-31T15:44:00.002-05:00

Wow. When I went to the grocery store today and saw the headline my jaw dropped. It was: Freedom of the press? Middlesex Community College professor begs to differ.

And then it talks about how the president of MCC tries to control all press about the college and how she tried to control and eventually shut down the school paper.

the administration engaged in a premeditated crusade to silence young journalists who wrote openly about school actions that sometimes proved embarrassing to the administration.
According to Sergi, the first sign of discontent came in 1991, a year after Cowan became president. An editorial in The Campus Report, written by student Erin Grady, questioned the fairness of the school's decision to purchase buildings on Middle Street in Lowell to house its Allied Health and Science programs. Nine options were considered by the state Division of Capital Planning and Operations, and Grady had her doubts about the figures being used for the cost of renovations that favored a certain location.

http://www.lowellsun.com/ci_18174444?source=rss_viewed#ixzz1NxpfSUKk

This feels like a vindication for me, as I was harrassed for my blogging about MCC. It happened on two occasions several months apart. The first was when I blogged from China about prostitutes. And the second was my personal blog in which I vented about the errors they were teaching us in Nursing classes. Yes, they were unflattering reflections on the college. But you know what? It was freedom of speech. My China blog was deleted. I was intimidated by the dean to remove my personal blog pieces from the internet. I absolutely felt like a line had been crossed.

And now I see that it wasn't my imagination. This was an underlying problem.

The post that got deleted from the MCC china blog.

A post and another one a third and a fourth that the dean of Nursing found to be inappropriate and threatened me that I was "violating the Nursing code of ethics".

Unschooling: Following your child's lead

2011-02-27T17:08:00.000-05:00

I remember one Valentines Day, many years ago. I had two young sons and I was babysitting their friend also. I was so excited that my kids were at that age that I could finally do arts and crafts with them. So I went to Walmart and splurged on stickers and paper and ribbons and markers and glue and... the boys had absolutely no interest in the activity. I made Valentines myself that year. It made for a great story though, about why I needed to have a girl (which, thankfully, #4 was).

Strangely, years later my third born son seems to really enjoy "activities" of that nature. And even though I've transitioned into a much more laid back unschooling mother who doesn't lesson plan like some of my dedicated mother-friends whom I admire greatly- the root of the unschooling philosophy is that you follow your child's lead. And lately we've done one hands-on project after another. All spontaneous. They're even better than a planned one because he is absolutely impassioned about the activity at hand. And his little sister, who copies his every move gets to join us with delight. Once he wanted to make a bird-feeder, so we cut a big hole in a two liter soda bottle (one for each child). Then we glued cotton balls around the edge so they wouldn't scrape themselves going in and we filled it with bread crumbs. It was a hit. Another time he wanted to do macaroni art, so I pulled a box of macaroni and cheese out of the cupboard, some colored paper and some Elmer's glue. We did it right on the living room floor. There was macaroni everywhere when we were through but nothing a five minute sweep couldn't fix and absolutely worth the fun, fine motor skill enhancing, creativity inducing, individuality promoting activity that my son and daughter engaged in. Well, I'm not so sure that it promoted any individuality in my two year old daughter given that she (as usual) copied my son's heart design exactly. Another fun activity he initiated was creating a mouse trap to catch the mouse we saw running around at night. Without my help he gathered a bunch of supplies: string, cheese, a broom, a dustpan. We ended up suspending a garbage pail over the cheese, ready to drop at the sight of the mouse. Another time he did an experiment his brother had told him about involving inflating a balloon using an empty soda bottle, baking soda and vinegar. Finally, my daughter enjoys coloring in her coloring book, an activity I never got to do with my first two boys.

This interest in hands-on projects and arts and crafts is, in my opinion, a rare treat for a mother of a son. But "following your child's lead" is so important regardless of where that interest leads. Dimitri's passion for skateboarding is the other interest I support. When I was a little girl, my passions included gymnastics and writing and (strangely) politics. Every child is unique and that's what makes society a diverse place that succeeds. If we were all architects, who would fight fires? It's the major disadvantage of public schooling which, by necessity, must be very cookie-cutter.* Sometimes support just means letting your child do what they need to do; like my second born who spent an inordinate amount of time on the computer. This breaks the good parenting "rule" that says you need to limit media time. But this kid is a computer genius. I don't know how he figures it out, but he teaches me all sorts of things that I don't know how to do. He has an uncle on both sides of the family who make good money as computer programmers and why would I want to squelch that if his strengths lie in that field?

*Again, see page ___ for my defense of public schools.

Womens Equality in the 10's.

2011-02-18T17:16:00.004-05:00

We are so blessed to live in a country and an era when women are afforded all the same rights as men. We look back to Susan B. Anthony, Elizabeth Cady Stanton and others with gratitude

But we would be remiss to become complacent. We owe it to our daughters to remain vigilant and fight the equalities that continue to this day.

#1 Wage discrimination
I can't believe this is still going on but it is! Is it some sort of subconscious thing? My brother got a job at the same grill that his girl-friend worked at. His starting pay was higher than hers only he started with no experience and she did have experience!!!! That's infuriating! Here is an article discussing this very issue in greater depth.

This is happening on all socioeconomic levels. There is only one solution. We need to have complete and open honesty about money. We need to talk about salaries. The secrets need to end. It is doing us a disservice. I know this is a completely foreign concept to Americans but in the best interest of women and minorities the gag has got to come off the mouths. Kudos to the Nurse Practitioners who sued their hospital when they were denied a pay raise, yet the electricians- at the same pay rate- were given a raise. The Nurse Practitioners won.

#2 Job discrimination
A recent study showed (disturbingly) that mom's are still being discriminated against in hiring practices. I found this out firsthand when I was applying for a supervisor role at UPS. I thought that I could highlight some of the skills I had utilized as a stay-at-home- mom in my resume; for example "Safety conscience, as evidenced by only three ER visits with three boys in ten years." The hub manager (a really big kahuna in the company) gently took me aside and advised me to rewrite my resume. I admire that he went out of his way to help me and am thankful for the kindness he extended, but I am disappointed that the corporate world hasn't evolved to the point of recognizing the contribution of mothers in this world and instead still discriminate against them.

#3 High heels.

What is the difference between high heels and the ancient Chinese tradition of foot binding? Very little in my opinion. Both painfully alter the female foot in the name of cultural beauty. This has got to stop. The long-term ramifications of high heels are serious. And the expectation of women to perform difficult athletic feats (no pun intended) in high heels in the sport of ballroom dancing is OUTRAGEOUS!!! Their male counterparts have no such handicap put on them. I would really like to see one of the competitors in "Dancing with the Stars" take a stand on this issue and refuse to wear high heals. This is a gender equality issue! I can't deny that high heels are flattering. Even I can't resist a stunning pair on an evening out. But this aesthetic appeal is purely because we have been societally conditioned to see them that way. In the same way that Burmese culture came to see extended necks as beautiful in women. There is a difference between a symbol of beauty that has no implications for women- like the the eye popping enhancement of mascara verses the symbols of beauty that carry the weight of oppression, like high heels. They restrict a woman's movement to a slower pace and smaller step, reinforcing the idea of women as fragile and incapable. The only way to change our perception of beauty is to begin a conversation about it. Is this the image we want to project of ourselves? Is perpetuating a (mild) form of mutilation worth the current beauty pay-off? If we could change that for our daughters, would we? Styles change. We've seen girdles and pantyhose come and go. There is no reason the high heel can't meet the same fate.

Birthing rights. We are quickly losing the rights to our bodies when it comes to childbirth. Dr.s intimidate. Sometimes give no option to V-bac (AZ example). Midwives are more and more restricted. RN's lose license if they even witness a homebirth in states such as Massachusetts. Charges are pressed when a woman births at home and something goes wrong. HIV tests are mandatory in ten states under the presupposition that the state is testing the baby but this is unconstitutional. HIV tests on a newborn only give the mothers HIV status, not the baby's. The only other two groups of people who have lost that right are soldiers and prisoners. The key to successful AIDS treatment is diagnosing HIV and that is compromised when the "Three C's" are violated: consent, counseling and confidentiality. Illegal testing of mothers compromises consent.

Finally, we must continue to fight for our sisters around the world who face the discrimination we defeated decades ago: Female Genital Mutilation in Africa. The death penalty in Muslim countries for adulterous women, but not the men. And women's rights to vote, drive, run for office and simply show their face in public.

We've won the right to vote, the legal right to equal pay, the equal sports scholarship ruling, protection from sexual harassment. The legal right to breastfeed any place/any time, gender neutral terms for previously male dominated careers such as fire fighters (firemen) and postal workers (mailmen). Let us continue the fight.

A missing book

2010-12-31T05:55:00.000-05:00

Once, in the past, a blog reader helped me find a book. Maybe it could happen again (although now my blog is private with a much smaller following, plus I never write anymore. grrrr). When I was in elementary school I read a book Annie. I think that was the name. I'm pretty sure it was written before the movie. It was very good. Problem is, it's not to be found on Amazon and isn't even mentioned on the Annie Wikipedia page! What the heck? It's like it doesn't even exist. Anyone got any clues as to where I can find it?

The latest medical research

2010-12-23T16:36:00.000-05:00

Sorry, I haven't been posting.

In medical news, this week's New England Journal of Medicine published a study that says that Apixaban is more effective for thromboprophylaxis than enoxaparin. Translation: this new oral pill is more effective than the standard injection for preventing stroke in at risk populations. This is such good news! I always felt so bad for my patients who had to get these shots daily. They are immensely painful. And I was giving to these poor old ladies who probably weren't going to live long anyway, so I didn't see the point. This would be a much needed improvement in healthcare.

Big News

2010-11-03T11:08:00.000-05:00

Well, I didn't forsee this announcement coming so quickly after the previous post but... I'm pregnant! I'm overjoyed. Due July 11th. I, very likely, got pregnant the DAY OF that silly conversation. And from a previous, um, "encounter", so it's not like we went home and tried to.

I know that I couldn't have gotten pregnant without the two months on the job, during which I breastfed much less. So, in honor of that, I would love to name the baby "Willow" if it's a girl (from the name of the facility "Willow Manor".) ha ha. But I'm going to let Timmy pick the name and I'm sure he won't go for that. I feel like God orchestrated everything so perfectly. I got two months of income for the family when we desperately needed it. I got material for the first book in my series "Chronicles of a nurse" and I got pregnant. God is so good to me.

Friendly competition

2010-10-23T19:58:00.001-05:00

Two of my sister in laws are trying to get pregnant. I can't resist joining the party so I'm going to try too. We were sitting around for a couple of hours talking about it yesterday, at our nephew and nieces birthday party. My brother in law said the funniest thing. He said that we should all put $500 dollars in a pot and then our other sister in law (younger, unmarried) should decide whose baby is the cutest and that couple wins the money. ha ha. We were cracking up. Then he pouted his lips all funny and we cracked up even more because my sister in law's son has huge lips, as if her baby was definitely going to not win. omg. This family cracks me up.

Evidenced Based Practice and Obstetrics

2010-10-22T10:29:00.001-05:00

In nursing school they really emphasize the importance of evidenced based practice. In fact, my essay assignment this week is about evidenced based practice; and by that I mean: practicing medicine based only on what studies have shown to be scientifically sound, as opposed to what tradition has been or what someone respected thinks or says. This subject always goads me because they all seem so hypocritical. And granted I'm lumping in every medical professional into this broad stereotype. More specifically my negativity is towards the obstetrical profession and birth policies of hospitals. In the defense of the medical profession, they have been a lot more open to non-traditional and Eastern medicine in the past decade. (With some hospitals even offering Reiki to cancer patients). And perhaps this emphasis on evidenced based practice in school is the way that the medical establishment hopes to make that change, via our generation.

What sorts of evidenced based practice is being ignored in modern obstetric care? Where to begin?

Continuous fetal monitoring is contraindicated by evidence, yet still standard practice. And I quote from Dr. Laura Riley, the director of labor and delivery at Mass General, in regards to fetal monitoring: “If there’s an embarrassment in medicine, this is it. It’s so ingrained now, and no one has the guts to pull back.”
Eating and drinking during labor. Still prohibited. The benefits far outweigh the benefits however. (The risk asphixiation after an emergency C-Section with general anesthesia).
Letting the mother choose the position during delivery. Still, for the most part prohibited. Even though this is purely for obstetrician convenience.
Doula's still aren't standard care even though they are a proven pain reduction, and if nothing else, a reduction in medical costs.
Water births still prohibited in most (all?) hospitals even though they are proven safe, and like doulas, a proven pain relief and therefore reduced medical cost (less anesthesiologists being employed).
C-section rates. Outrageously high. No excuses. Violation of WHO guidelines. An atrocity on par with third world medical care.
VBAC (Vaginal Birth After Cesarean) still often prohibited even though this is proven safe. (And multiple C-sections are decidedly not safe).
Inductions are far too frequent especially in light of the fact that an early induction is dangerous.

What it comes down to is two things:

Fear of lawsuits. This is particularly extreme in the OB specialty because the law says that the lawsuit can occur up to 18 years after the birth and the reparations can include payment for medical services for the damage done to the child for the rest of their life.
The medical distrust of a woman's body to birth. This is a vicious cycle in which they don't have trust, they intervene, they convince themselves that the birth would not have been successful without said intervention and the interventions frequently cause the need for interventions! Not to mention that OB's are trained surgeons. They're natural instinct is to cut when in doubt.

When the obstetric community accepts evidence based practice standards I will stop thinking of medical community as a bunch of hypocrites. (And this is coming from an RN).

I recently read that acupuncture is used somewhat successfully in China for C-section anesthesia. This boggles my mind. But if science has proved it (which apparently it does) then it must be accepted for the benefit it presents. Strangely, acupuncture has not been very useful in labor pain. I wonder why it would work for one and not the other. Too bad it doesn't. I would be all over that.

Disasterous conversation with school teacher

2010-10-21T12:39:00.014-05:00

I don't believe in homework. (See The Homework Myth) When my children are in kindergarten and first grade (and as much as I can get away with it, in second) I don't make them do it. I relent in the older grades because at that point you really can't fight the system any more.

Dimitri only does his homework once in a blue moon. I thought I would explain that to his teacher so she wouldn't be as frustrated/angry with him. First I told her that she was doing a great job. I always start my conversations like that because I know teachers are on the defensive because parents are generally pretty critical of teachers (sadly). Despite my introduction I could sense she was still on the defensive. Nevertheless, I couldn't skirt the issue forever so I dove right in. "I just wanted to explain to you that I philosophically disagree with homework." I said. "So that's why Dimitri hasn't been very consistent about doing it." She asked why and I said "I just feel like children learn better through play" (I should have added ("then through work-sheets" because I think that would have augmented my case). I naively thought that that would be the end of it. That she would be thoughtful and empathetic and say something like,
       "well, I disagree, but I see your point and I understand. You have the right to raise your son how you wish. So don't worry about it. I won't penalize him for it." And then I would say,
        "thank you for understanding". But no. What ensued was a very confused woman grilling me with questions but never quite understanding what I was saying. And me clumsily circumventing my true beliefs because they are so extreme it would probably be like speaking a foreign language to her. She explained that the homework is the spelling words for the weekly test. I said that I wasn't aware of that, and that that is perhaps something that I could make an exception for. (I thought it was just random words for reading and writing). She said he does poorly on his spelling tests. I didn't bother explaining to her that spelling tests were unnecessary in today's world because children learn to spell by communicating online on message boards and in role playing games and that every time a computer underlines a misspelled word the correct spelling is reinforced in your head until your spelling is better than the knowledge any spelling tests could impart. I didn't bother explaining that it was completely irrelevant if he fell behind his peers a few months; even a few years. All that mattered was that he picked up the skill in the end. Which he would. Just like his brothers did. Just like every other unschooled kid in the world.

I said that I didn't want him to be penalized for not doing his homework. She said that he couldn't get "The Principal's Award" unless he does his homework every day. I said (and I probably shouldn't have said this) "Oh, I don't care about that. I just don't want him to miss recess." (The Principal's Award is a stupid piece of paper.) She said something about it being part of the school culture or community or what-have-you. She made no indication that he would not be punished for not doing his homework. "What if he only does half?" I asked, trying to find a compromise.
       "He has to do it every day to get The Principal's Award," she said. Again, not comprehending that I don't care if he gets the dang Principal's Award.(Neither does Dimitri).
       "No, I mean half a worksheet" I said. I don't think she really answered me. "Or, if he has to maybe I'll do it for him". Another statement which wasn't verbally acknowledged. It was probably the most astounding words to ever come out of a parent's mouth in a conversation with a teacher. I wouldn't have even said it. I would have just continued to do this, but frankly, it's very time consuming to make your writing look like a six year old's.

She said that the homework should only take 10 or 15 minutes. She asked if it was taking him longer than that and I said no and she asked, quizzically, "and 10 or 15 minutes is too long for you?"
       "yes" I said. "I don't believe in it at all." She said that I was lucky that she was his teacher because the other teachers give even more homework.
       "What are you going to do in the older grades?" she asked.
        "Well, I have two older sons at the middle school and I understand that in the older grades they have to do their homework".
       "Why did you start doing this with your third child?" she asked.
       "No, this isn't new. None of my children did homework in the younger grades" She looked at me like: how did you get away with that?
   I said that the one "paperwork" that I make exception for is handwriting because proper letter formation really isn't something you can just "pick up" in the world and I believe it is very important. I told her I was very impressed that she teaches handwriting. (Again, trying to throw in some positives here). When I was rehearsing this whole conversation in my head on the way to the school I had planned on asking if, perhaps, I could do some handwriting homework with him and send that in, in lei of the work sheets. But at this point I see it would only cloud the conversation even more so I don't bother.

She mentioned that Dimitri is behind in reading. She asked if I read to him. (I think at this point she has already concluded that I am a neglectful parent and she is just collecting evidence to reinforce her superior beliefs). "Yes," I replied; not giving her the satisfaction. But then I said his brothers struggled with reading too at that age; which I meant as an indication that this is within the range of normal and, like his brothers, he will catch up. But after uttering those words I realized that it was further proof of her condescending beliefs. I should have thrown in the phrase "and they are exceptional readers now". Darn it all. You always think of what you should have said, after the fact. (Or shouldn't. In the case of The Principal's Award blunder). Again, like the spelling conversation, I wanted to explain that it was OK if he fell behind his peers. Eventually he would catch up. But, unlike his peers, he would not grow to despise learning. He would not grow up resisting the wondrous world of knowledge. You can't explain all that in an impromptu after-school conversation. That is deep philosophical stuff. And besides, I'm not here to explain why I disagree with the entire paradigm of public school. That would be a) pointless and b) rude. I'm just asking for some leniency when it comes to our differing beliefs when it comes to homework. So, with my hands being tied as to explaining the real reason for my request I'm left bumbling for explanations that don't delve into the complicated truth and failing miserably.

I can't explain to her that I disagree with forced learning, period. I can't explain to her that the fact that he spends six hours a day "learning" and then has to come home and do more is abhorrent to me. I can't explain to her that I wrote a published article proclaiming that a children can do nothing more than play video games all day and still progress at or above grade level. I can't explain that my very own child did just that last year. I can't explain to her that the only reasons I sent him to public school this year were:

In August I had a full time job, so I needed the free daycare.
My husband wants me to take a break. Every few years he likes the kids to go back to school to alleviate his concerns about their progress. (And despite my passion for unschooling, I have to admit it is comforting to me too)
I'm trying to wean the damn kid and at least if he's away from me six hours a day- that's six fewer hours that I have to fend him off of my freaking breasts.

Yeah. I definitely can't explain all that. So I'm left with a weak defense for my outrageous request. But the whole thing makes me want to homeschool again. We ended the conversation with awkward small talk and then said goodbye.

UPDATE: A week later the school sent home the annual "contract" between student, school and parent. It had all the usual propaganda: "I will try hard. I will be respectful. I will attend regularly... bla bla bla." I crossed off the line "do my homework" on Dimitri's contract and put my initials over it.

Then, yesterday, I was packing Dimitri's bag for school in the morning and I was about to throw out his undone homework worksheet when Dimitri stopped me and told me to leave it in there because the teacher does it with him. I inquired and he said that she works with just him on the homework while everyone else is doing something else. A part of me feels guilty that she is taking time away from the rest of the students. I'm not trying to monopolize her time or make my child special. But another part of me feels that this is proper teaching. I always said to myself that if I were a teacher I would spend five minutes a day tutoring each student. It seems only fair. A child is in school six hours a day. They can't get five minutes of undivided attention? I'm sure my public school teacher readers are rolling their eyes. I'm sure they think I am ignorant and fanciful and naive. They're probably right. But from my perspective, my sixth grader started homeschooling unable to do long division. Five minutes with the kid would have shown the teacher this. It just seems like a breakdown in the education process. If it would make a difference in the test scores of these inner city schools I don't see why they don't find a way to make it work. I'm convinced it would dramatically raise scores. If nothing else, by showing the teachers which areas each student needs to concentrate on. Anyway, like I said, I'm conflicted about the situation, but it is what it is.

punishments that fit the crime

2010-10-16T12:19:00.000-05:00

One of the tenets of Grace Based Discipline is finding punishment to match the crime. Sometimes you really have to think about it. In two recent incidents with Dimitri I have determined that the most appropriate punishment was an apology. The first circumstance was when Dimitri and some of the neighbor kids were throwing rocks at house and they told me that a man came out a threatened to call 911. I took Dimitri to his door and apologized with him. Actually, sort of, for him. But he was humiliated enough that the punishment stuck. The second time was today. We had gone shopping for a birthday present for a classmates birthday party and he wanted a toy too, but I wouldn't buy him one. When I wasn't looking, at home, he opened the toy and played with it. I'll be able to put it back in the packaging, but for the punishment I'm going to have him apologize to the boys mother for opening the toy. He is absolutely mortified by the prospect, which makes the punishment oh, so, effective.

I'm going to copy and paste this post into my post about Grace Based Discipline which I have completely revised and put on my Thinking Forum blog. I invite you to read it at http://thethinkingforum.blogspot.com/2010/07/grace-based-discipline.html

The nursing milestone

2010-09-09T15:34:00.000-05:00

I hit that milestone yesterday. The milestone in which you say, "why did I become a nurse?". Only it wasn't just a cliche-ha-ha "why did I become a nurse?" It was a genuine, dear Jesus, WHY didn't I become a house cleaner???" I was not meant to count out and record important information. I didn't want to do busy work like this. I like to diagnose people. That's totally and completely different than my current job description. Careful records and precise accuracy in everything you do? That's not my forte. In fact, that's my weakness. This is absolutely ridiculous that I am having to do this. For instance... I could never never be a cashier. They make minimum wage, but I have the utmost respect for them. The two times I've had to work as a cashier I messed up the money count. I am just not good at that.

But, in my moment of crisis, I really called out to the Lord. In a desperation that I haven't done in a long long time. And I felt a peace that it is going to get better from here. So I hope that is true.

There is a stereotype that new nurses go home and cry every night their first year. I hear that from a lot of nurses, that they did that. I wish I could say that were true for me. But noooooooo, I'm a ridiculously sensitive person and I cry on the job. All the time. I really restrain myself though. You know, digging my fingernails into my skin. Hiding behind things so people can't see me. It is so, absolutely inappropriate to cry at work. I try my very hardest to maintain a dignified, professional demeanor. Even yesterday, possibly the worst day of my life- when patients asked me "how are you?" I gave a cheerful, upbeat: "good! How are you?" It's entirely inappropriate to be emotional in front of patients. As one counselor once said. "You can cry. You just can't cry harder than your patient".

testing my beliefs

2010-08-28T19:10:00.000-05:00

I'm "quiverfull"- which is the name by which I and others like myself identify our beliefs about family planning. I believe that every child is a gift from God and we are commanded to make them, procreation being the beautiful purpose of sex. The word quiverfull coming from the verse:

Psalms 127:3-5 “Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one’s youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.”

This isn't such a difficult viewpoint when I want to get pregnant and given the fact that my body spaces out the pregnancies so much. But now that I just got my dream job that we really can't afford to live without, getting pregnant is a different ballgame. How resolute are my beliefs?

Well, I've decided that I will stay strong in them. That this situation will not cause me to waver in my trust in God. We have stopped trying to get pregnant. And awareness of cycles -a gift from God in itself- allows us some say in the matter of when, but it still allows God the final say. And I am open to any word or nudging from him towards procreation.

My situation might create some difficult choices. Put the child with a caregiver or, once again, live in poverty? .. not easy choices to make. But God would see us through.

My first patient death

2010-08-28T18:58:00.001-05:00

(Details changed for privacy)

This morning my patient was excited to go home. She was supposed to have gone home over the weekend but they kept her because she was running a slight fever. But this morning she had 650 mg of tylenol and then I went in to take her temperature, which was, naturally going to be down, since tylenol is an antipyretic. And it was, so me and her roommate cheered for her that she would probably be able to go home today.

An hour or two later my patient's husband flags me down in the hallway and says that his wife isn't feeling well; that she has the chills. I go in and she's shivering. I feel her forhead. It's just a tad warm. I tell them that she does have a fever and then I went out and got her the only other blanket I could find and the vital sign cart. I tucked her in tightly and tried to comfort her. I took her temp which was barely even elevated. I said that it was bound to go up as she continues to shiver and that I'd get her some tylenol right away.

Then she starts struggling for her breaths and turns over on her side. Her husband and I know, at this point, that this is getting serious. "What's wrong?" I ask. She said she feels "restless", which is the sign of hypoxia. On top of that, her lips are bluish. I immediately stick on the pulse oximeter. It reads 93... okaaaay. So it's not the oxygen then, (or so I thought). The nurse I am working with, Sasha, comes in to assess for the Tylenol. Our patient's status is getting very shaky, so we are frantically trying to figure out the cause. She takes the blood pressure, since that's the last vital sign I didn't take. It's normal. I take her blood sugar, which I was supposed to do an hour ago and hadn't gotten around to yet; maybe that was it. But no, it was 235. That's not a number high enough to cause this sort of reaction. We're trying to talk the patient through the situation. Asking her what's wrong, and to stay with us and such. I pull out my pen light and do a neuro check via pupils, only one of her eyes is stuck closed- I think from a separate diagnosis, so it's far from complete. There was slight dilation, but it was hard to tell, given that the room was bright. Next thing you know, her O2 sats were at 37. I've never seen anything like that before. Her eyes are closed. She looks like she's really working for each breath. There are other nurses in the room now. They ask me to get her oxygen. They hand me the keys. There are a dozen on the key chain and I don't know which one opens the closet! But I flip through them really fast and find it. I pull out one machine with plastic and one without and ask the staff in the hallway which one is "clean". They say I can use both. Sasha shows up at this point, grabs one and runs off with it. Then she's back, frantically looking for a rebreather in the clean storage room. We end up grabbing one out of the crash cart.

When I get back in the room her O2 Sats are about 5%. 911 had been called and the paramedics were on their way. After all the chaos, the room is now getting rather quiet and Sasha mouths the words to me that she's going to die. There was a hushed discussion about her status. She was DNR. The husband had been watching from a chair. I invited him to rub her feet. And then a little later we brought him up to her head and Sasha gently said that she's not going to make it. The husband was emotionless. Sasha and I were standing behind him with tears running down our faces. Then Claire came in and explained gently to the husband that the woman had signed a paper saying she didn't want to excessive measures taken to bring her back to life. I'll never forget that the husband said "She signed that?". It seems like something he should have known. And maybe he did, but in the moment, who knows what you can remember. Staff came in with the documentation. The husband was the Health Care Proxy, which means he can make medical decisions for her if she's incapacitated. We asked him if he wanted to honor her DNR wishes or if he would like to change that at this time. He honored her wishes.

The EMT's were in the room. No one was really doing anything now though because we're all just waiting for her to pass. One of them asked what she was there for. I opened my notes and just rattled off her diagnoses: UTI, renal failure, bla bla, bla. I wonder if I should have been saying those things aloud right there- you know, privacy rights and all. It was then that my boss from administration called me out of the room. She said they didn't want me getting too emotional in front of the husband. She told me to go for a walk with Niki (the other new nurse). On the way out my nurse mentor said that "it never gets easier," which, actually, I found to be comforting because a) it means I'm not just a big baby and b) it is proof that I have the compassionate heart that this field requires.

The whole incident happened in about ten or fifteen minutes. She went from lucid but shivering to dead in seemingly an instant. I am so so so glad that I responded to her husband's request with a sense of urgency. There were so many other things going on and it would have been quite normal to just kind of blow him off. You know, "We'll bring you some Tylenol in a little bit". But I was right there the whole time, showing great concern. Imagine if he couldn't get attention for her until she was already unconscious? That could have easily happened given the speed of the events. The man would always have wondered if we could have done something for her. But he need not wonder. He saw us do every test and every life saving measure that we could before the patient indicated that she was really leaving this earth.

I had the honor of calling her death. Only an RN could and I'm one of the few RN's there. They let me do it. I listened to her heart for one full minute. Then I called "Time of death, 11:35am". I even signed the death certificate.

The move!

2010-08-08T10:34:00.013-05:00

We moved to a townhouse and it's so beautiful. I'm so happy. And it's smack in the middle of Lowell, which is really important to me since I'm so passionate about city design and being able to bike everywhere. The paint job in the place is phenomenal. Our room is this gorgeous deep red.

We have a $4000 Mahogany four-poster bed we just purchased for $325. And the reason it was so cheap was that it was on the third floor of a very very small apartment with the narrowest of stair cases and we had to remove it ourselves. It's, of course, heavy and an absolute logic puzzle to get it out of there. Definitely, worth it though. I feel like a queen when I wake up in the morning in this room.

The boys live in an awesome "bachelor pad" in the basement, which is two floors down from me, which means I get some peace and quiet! It has these humongous superheros sketched out on the wall, so I'm going to paint them in and then we'll paint the rest of the room a color.

Also, it means that I have a free room to decorate for Saphira. And it's blue in case my next baby is a boy. (Someday. I'm not pregnant). I have all these ideas. I want to put our dollhouse in the middle. My Grandpa made it for me and my mom and I collect items for it. It's to-die-for. And I want a dress up corner. I have a fabulous dress up collection. Mostly ninja costumes from Halloween, ha ha. But nothing a few princess dresses won't balance out. Also, silkies, which is really hot among my crunchy friends. My mom made them for Saphira's second birthday. Isn't she the best?

I also fantasize about a ballet bar and mirror. My sister in law Jen* asked if I dream of her becoming a ballerina and I said that actually, not really, more gymnastics, but you can't really do a gymnastics corner, but she pointed out that I could. And we thought of putting in a small, just-off -the-ground balance beam and I started envisioning teaching her how to do forward and backward rolls on it, cartwheels and split leaps, full turns and someday front walk-overs and front tucks and back-handsprings and back-tucks. I know I could teach all that if she were interested. Or I could just practice all that myself. ha ha. Actually, that is a very successful method of teaching a child. That's how the Suzuki method works in teaching violin. Although, in my opinion the method has really fallen away from it's traditional successful roots.

Speaking of music. I should have a music corner in which I play the flute. Maybe a stuffed animal/doll corner? Damn this will be a nice room. Of course there is only so much I could put in the room. I don't know what will make the cut.

Other nice things about the apartment: no cockroaches (which is something to be said in Lowell), central air, a balcony and grill the landlord left for us, a laundry room (!), and indoor storage for our bikes. I'm starting to feel like we made it. After years of struggling and just time after time of bad luck and getting screwed by life, I feel like we finally got our break. Not only did we move to this nice place, but in three days I start my new job as a nurse. I worked my butt off for this degree but then the economy tanked and I couldn't find a job. After all that excruciating hard work in the hopes of a guaranteed good paying job- it just seemed like the ultimate unfairness. And that was on top of what seemed like endless life oppression. When we first got married our rent was $350. In three years the going price of a two bedroom had tripled. And unlike the generation just ten years older than us, we weren't lucky enough to ride the wave of home equity. Sorry. I digress. That's a big pet peeve of mine. How my generation got screwed.

The move went well. I'm so proud to say that we can pack, move and unpack in two days and with only a pick up truck. This time was even more impressive because we did it in 2 1/2 days with a break in the middle, in which Timmy practiced for his crew team competition at the S.E. Asian water festival and I went door to door asking for donations in exchange for tomatoes.** and I washed nearly every item of clothing in the house.*** It's a testament to my decluttering and simple living, especially considering we're a family of six. Sometimes I need to be reminded of that because often there is just stuff everywhere and I feel like such a failure in that manner (case in point: the clothes story at the bottom of the page). Speaking of which, my friend did this awesome thing. See, she had a baby boy and got tons of outfits for him from the baby shower. And now she's having another boy and she pruned the closet down to seven outfits- one for every day of the week. I think that's genius and want to do that for everyone in the family. It wasn't possible before without a washer/dryer, but it is now.

While cleaning up the old place I was patching some holes in the walls using this foam filler. It comes out like shaving cream and then hardens like Styrofoam. I was smoothing it over with my fingers and I asked Timmy if that was OK as I did it and he yelled back from across the apartment that it was. And then when I was done I went to the sink to wash it off and it didn't come off. Yeah. Not cool. I tried soap and water. Lime juice. Salt. The bottle said to use gloves and if it gets on the skin use soap and water. Why didn't I read the bottle first? So I called poison control and they had no suggestions. And in the meantime it's hardening all over my hands. They look disease ridden and I start my new job as a nurse in three days!!!! So I'm kind of freaking out. And I look it up online (apparently there are lots of other idiots like myself who have done this) and the unanimous answer is that you have to let it wear off as the skin sloughs off! The good news is that apparently skin sloughs at a rather quick pace, so I'm crossing my fingers that three days should be enough. From now on, when I'm sweeping and vacuuming all the crappy dust I will never be bothered by it again, as it is the shed skin that once saved my job. Pumice stone is apparently helpful but I'm not using a pumice stone on my hands (the back of them anyway). Come Tuesday night I might be desperate enough though. In the mean time, my hands are living breathing pumice stones.

*who helped us move and made us a gorgeous cake as a move-in gift.

**which was completely unsuccessful. The first four doors no one answered. And the next two they didn't want any tomatoes. So I gave up. On the positive side, I did get to see a woman recovering from a nose job. Very interesting.

*** the background story to that is that when I found out we were going to move, three weeks ago, I stopped hanging up the laundry- figuring we'd just bag it or put it in boxes anyway. But then as the weeks dragged on we started going through it for clothes (wasting an enormous amount of time, btw) and eventually throwing them everywhere and stepping on them. So when we moved I didn't even bother trying to sort the "clean" from the dirty. I just washed it all and hung it up as it came out of the dryer. It's a nice fresh start to our new life here anyway.

An Idea for the Police Force

2010-07-27T14:08:00.001-05:00

Corrupt police are one of my biggest pet peeves. Racist cops make me downright angry. And I understand that a certain percentage of the male population are sociopaths. And a higher percentage of them are in law enforcement, just due to the aggressive nature of the job and the skills required/the skills that many sociopaths possess.

So I was thinking that there could be a morality test to go along with the physical and written tests. This morality test would be fully anticipated and agreed to in writing by the police applicants and current officers. What would happen is: sometime, when they aren't expecting it, they'll be set up with a moral quandry. Not something in the grey area like finding money on the ground or listening to someone tell racist jokes. Something that everyone could easily agree is immoral.like someone offering a job selling drugs or bribe to not get their speeding ticket.

A police officer who has passed his morality test with flying colors

cooking class

2010-07-22T13:20:00.003-05:00

So I signed up for this cooking class for WIC and/or Headstart participants (read: poor people). I've been to two classes and the cooking part is pretty cool but the nutrition lesson afterward is like nails on a blackboard to me. More on that later, but first, some of the cool things I'm learning in the cooking class:

Always boil pasta and vegetables in water with a dash of salt (I knew that but I forgot).
Cook asparagus in boiling water for just a few minutes til it gets limp "How you want your asparagus, but not your man," said the cook. He cracks me up. Then immediately put in ice cold water so it will stop cooking.
Cut unripe peaches in half, saute in butter, reduce honey, fry peaches in the sauce. Then bake. DE-licious!
An easy way to cut bell peppers: slice of the bottom. Then (with it upside down) you can easily cut the sides away from the core. It actually works!! That was my favorite tip.
There is this great Italian dehydrated sausage that you should keep onhand and cook with small bits of it to add flavor. I have to ask for the name of it again and add it. sorry.

OK, now for the torturous nutrition lesson. I know I sound so conceited but... I know more than these college major nutritionists teaching us. Seriously. I'm an RN, a former ACE certified personal trainer and I even wrote a book about weight loss (Albeit a short one), not to mention a voracious reader. An example of a lesson. "This is the food pyramid. Let's talk about it. What do the colors represent?" (with the pictures of the food groups that it represents at the bottom of the colored stripes.)

Now let me tell you what I know about the food pyramid.

I knew that the old pyramid was bad advice loooong before they changed it to the new one. I know that the new one isn't so great either.
I know that it's dumb to have dairy in there because 1/3 of the world is lactose intolerant. I know that the only reason that they have dairy in there is because the dairy industry is a powerful lobbyist and most nutritionists are not correctly informed (thanks to dairy lobbyists). In fact, the first day when I introduced myself and a little about my family's diet and I told them that we don't drink milk; everyone chimed in with questions and advice like: have you tried soy milk? And I wish I had said "we don't drink dairy because dairy is not good for you. And soy milk isn't great for you either. Don't believe me? Look it up." But I'm more polite than that. (In person anyway. lol). Not that I don't like dairy. We eat tons of yogurt, kefir and cheese.
I know that the food pyramid doesn't clarify the most important issue, which is that crackers, and muffins and basically 90% of the carbohydrates you can buy in shopping market isles are not properly classified in the carbohydrate category, but rather in the "eat sparingly" category.
Juice should not be classified as a serving of fruit. It has the sugar, concentrated and none of the fiber.
Food groups are actually a completely made up way of categorizing food. There is no basis for it whatsoever. There are only three macronutrients: carbohydrates, protein and fats.
I know that there are food pyramid's designed for various ethnic diets.

So basically, it's a torturous hour (actually, it's kind of like what nursing school was like for me, only worse).

I guess, though that really these cooking classes are a way for the government to provide nutrition information for poor, dumb, fat people, and if you happen to be poor, smart and healthy, you can come but it's a privilege and you're just going to have to endure the rest, because the class wasn't meant for you anyway and if you want to tag along they'll let you.

But you, my reader, have the best deal of all, because you get to learn all the cool things that I'm learning in class without enduring the degrading nutrition lesson and wasting 1 1/2 hours of your time.

The Okinawa diet food pyramid

potpouri

2010-07-19T12:01:00.001-05:00

I was driving by a yard sale a few weeks ago- I never stop at those because I hate clutter- but I saw a bike,

which I've always wanted so I stopped. It was pink. And a ten speed. In really good condition. My dream bike. The guy sold it to me for $5. It was the happiest find in my life. Now I had to buy one of those baby bike trailers for Saphira. (See picture). But I never have a hundred dollars so while I was waiting to come up with that money I had to come up with something else to carry her. So I put my hiking backpack on and rode with her on my back. And it turns out that I like it! So I don't need to buy a trailer. It looks unusual. I imagine I'm the only person in a hundred mile radius doing this. But I bet in other countries it's a common practice. Plus I'm not riding on trails so in the city there's lots of turns and busy streets. I don't know how easy a bike trailer is to maneuver, but basically I'm very glad I couldn't buy one and didn't buy one. I was telling Timmy that I like it much better and I said that the trailer drags behind you so a car could hit it or something and "if my baby dies, I want to die with it". And Timmy said that we should sell them as bike packs and that would be our tag line. He cracked me up with that one.

******

I was breastfeeding Saphira at the beach yesterday, covering us with a towel. There was this father/body builder sitting about 20 yards in front of me, facing me and he kept staring at me. It was creepy. I joked with my mom "maybe he's a lactivist". "Aren't thay all?" she replied. ha ha.

******

Today I walked to the corner store to buy some eggs because I was craving french toast on the one day we are out of eggs! Isn't that how it always is. (See my post on how cities should be designed, including the importance of corner stores). When I got there I saw fajita wraps that I wanted and Saphira wanted a banana and a teenie for her and her brother (isn't that sweet). It came to $6.25 but I only had $5.. So I was going to put the fajita wraps back but then the guy said it was OK I could take it. I told him I'd pay him back next time but he said I didn't have to (I still will). I thought that was so awesome. So if you're ever in the area be sure to buy something from Los Amegos. (What an appropriate name)! It's a family business. We gotta support those, ya know? Especially when they are good people like that.

Bipolar depression

2010-07-17T19:22:00.000-05:00

There's this ad for a depression medication in which it shows depressed people with blank faces and the background talking says things like "I don't feel like doing anything" "I'm tired all the time". "I have aches and pains" and there's another ad in which the depressed person is kind of see-through so he/she blends in with the background, representing the nothingness/worthlessness the person feels.

Well, let me tell you: bipolar depression is a whole other ball game. Those ads don't even come close to describing it. Here's what a bipolar depression ad would sound like:

"My thoughts race."
"I feel like killing myself."
"I'll do anything to make the pain go away. Cut myself. Drink. Anything"
"I breath shallowly. I breath fast. I breath slow. I can't breath normally because I'm so upset."
"The devil whispers things in my ear. Suggestions on how to kill myself."
"I go into a catatonic state."
"I go into a manic state."
"I imagine myself in fantasy situations to get away from life."
"I want to kill people because this must be their fault."
"This must be because my life is so hard or because of a certain circumstance. This can't be because of a disease or a chemical imbalance in my brain."

"I want to die."

So that's real depression for ya. Make a commercial of that, pharmaceutical companies. I dare you.

I want this so badly!!

2010-07-13T10:02:00.001-05:00

As my close friends know, I'm not a materialistic person. Quite the opposite, I prefer pure simplicity and being somewhat of a socialist, believe that I should share my wealth with the poor. So it is a rare thing for me to drool over an object. But this! This I want!

It is the newest, coolest scanner which is designed to create the ever elusive paperless office!!! It's called ScanSnap. It detects different sized papers: regular 8 by 11, receipts, business cards, etc. It comes with special software to catalog your material (including one that automatically transfers business card data to your contact book!). You could potentially scan your entire file cabinet and throw it away!!!!

I, being a passionate decluttering, have strong opinions on paper clutter. Here is my other post on it for some background. Ironically I was just about to redo my file cabinet. When I do that I get a whole new bunch of folders and a label maker. I label them all in order with tabs neatly arranged into left, middle, right. It's very satisfying. And while I'm at it I go through and thin them.

Announcement

2010-07-02T16:29:00.002-05:00

I am branching off the farmer blog posts to a new blog www.first-time-farmer.blogspot.com . And, as you know I'm writing the more scholarly stuff at www.thethinkingforum.blogspot.com
Then I'll password protect this one to make it private, available to friends and family. Email me if you want the password.

Happy 4th!

Mistakes I've made along the way

2010-06-28T15:31:00.000-05:00

Some things I will do differently next year:

Start (nearly) every plant in the greenhouse in early spring
Buy gardening gloves
While I'm planting the seedlings in the plastic, straighten out the drip tape so it goes right down the middle
Not kill the ladybugs!
Buy all the seeds in late winter. This year I didn't get the watermelon in because we never had the money for the seeds!. :( But really. If there's a will there's a way. You just have to MAKE a way. It reminds me of a Jeanette Oak novel I read when I was a kid, in which the impoverished farming family endured three years of no water. And on that third or fourth year they had no money but the mom sold her precious heirloom china to buy seeds to plant in the hopes that this would be the year that the rains came. And they did.
Put the bags of fertilizer in individual garbage bags. We stacked them up on a tarp this year and covered them with another tarp, but they still managed to get wet. Some of the bags are falling apart and the fertilizer inside is rotting. Also, sometimes when I come, the tarp is pulled back. I don't know if it's the wind or an animal. Is there a creature that could possibly like to eat fertilizer?? If it's a human I don't really mind. I'm a very "mi casa, su casa" kind of person. If someone needs to borrow something of mine they are welcome to it. And if they want it and I don't need it they are welcome to it too.

Let's talk drip tape

2010-06-28T15:17:00.000-05:00

When Don, the farm maintenance man layed the drip tape he ran out before my last three rows. Even though I had paid for them, I didn't mind because I've been really relying on the other farmers a lot this year for sourcing and transporting materials, so it's sort of my turn to contribute- if you want to think of it that way. There was old drip tape in the shed that I could use. When I mentioned that I was going to lay it to McKenzie she exchanged an odd look with the other person in the room, as if I didn't know what I was in for. I found out the next day when I lay the drip tape. Unlike, say, crepe paper, you can't undo a twist by just flipping it, because then the twist will just pass to the other side of your hand. Sooooo, you have to twist the whole length of drip tape at once. The only way to do this is to hold the entire thing in your hand while you lay it and untwist it before it goes on the ground. Luckily someone had wrapped the thing nicely. Two of them were too short so I have to buy a connecting thingy. In the meantime I'm using duct tape, which is OK but not great. Necessity really is the mother of invention. Just like when I used the back side of an ax to hammer in the tomato stakes since I didn't have a hammer.

Learning

2010-06-28T09:41:00.005-05:00

I learned a few things at the farm today:

If you don't stake the tomatoes in its early stages it will grow like pumpkins, spreading across the ground. Speaking of tomatoes; I have a few tiny ones and they make the plant smell heavenly.
I gathered a bunch of the South-East-Asian-lettuce for my in-laws that were in full bloom. When I presented them, they asked if this was the whole crop and I proudly told them that there was so much more back in the field! Later my husband told me that what they really meant when they asked me that was: "You idiot! You pulled them up by the roots! Now they won't grow back." ha ha. Live and learn. I'm not sure how I'm supposed to pull them up without the root though. It slides out with a gentle tug. I'm sure I'll figure it out next time. Maybe it was for the best though. I think they needed to be thinned.
It's really important to keep the tools you are using on your person. If you put it down, you will inevitably walk away from it and good luck finding it among all the plants! This is especially true for me given my weed "situation". I suddenly understood the value of those little loops in pants for holding hammers/tools! These days it's just a fashion accessory. But, dang, if you need it, it's really handy.
When using the weed wacker always use goggles. This of course isn't something I tried for even one minute. But if I had tried it for one minute I would have discovered that the thing sprays you head to toe in green bits and pieces and it seems to me that one catch of a rock or dirt would result in permanent blindness. All weed wackers should have an attachment for the storage of goggles to encourage use. Luckily, I found some in a bin in the shed. I was very proud of myself for getting the weed wacker started. It took me a good fifteen minutes to figure out. I'm not mechanically inclined at all. My husband is a mechanically inclined prodigy. That's the beauty of marriage. Complimenting each other. "As iron sharpens iron", goes the expression. This reminds me of a funny story from when we were dating. His cell phone got locked somehow. It was very peculiar. He played with it extensively. This is the sort of thing he can figure out. But he just couldn't get it. It's the sort of thing I could never figure out. But I had the stroke of genius to go downstairs and call the cell phone company and get the code to unlock it. I went upstairs and begged him to try. I insisted that I could do it. After a long while he begrudgingly let me try. Beep beep beep beep. I punched in the code and unlocked it. He just about died. I didn't tell him how I knew!!! It was awesome!!!! He worshiped my feet. That was back in the early dating stage when you're still trying to impress the person. I definitely scored points for that one.

OK, back to farming...Remember a few Sunday's ago the word nematode kept repeating in my head while I weeded? Well today the word was aphid*! I wasn't even sure what those words meant until I looked them up when I got home! What a bizarre phenomenon. Farming has a unique mind-clearing quality.

I bet I know what the farmer's wife's favorite modern day invention is... the cell phone. Otherwise it's impossible to get a hold of a farmer. They are out there in, practically, the middle of no where. And at about 300 feet the ability to understand what a person is saying drops way off. On a related note: walking back and forth across the field, to the source of water, the shed, etc, is hugely time consuming. It's really important to think three steps ahead to determine what you are going to need in the future.

*aphid: A pest. Numerous tiny soft-bodied insects that suck the sap from the stems and leaves of various plants, some developing wings when overcrowding occurs.

An Improptu Mentoring Session

2010-06-24T22:33:00.001-05:00

Mckenzie and I pulled up to the farm at the same time today so she got to go over the state-of-the-field with me.    It was so convenient! I'm a spontaneous person anyway, so it works out even better for me than if we had scheduled something. She showed me what she means when she says "weeding". She pointed to an itty bitty bitty little green sprout and said I had to get that out. I'm like, "are you serious?!" But then she showed me how she does it: raking her fingers through the dirt really fast, just kind of bulldozing it. It looked like a very do-able technique. And I imagine if you're on top of your weeds like that it might actually take less time on the long run. She said you should do it very very fast. She's always talking about being fast and efficient and I totally understand why. The profit margins on farming are very very very thin. So keeping your man hours low is the only way to make it profitable.

In my original CSA* plan- back in late winter, I had committed to bringing in 120 bunches of beets this week and last. Today I turned in four bunches because the rest weren't big enough. Pathetic I know. It's because I didn't weed them until it was too late so they were competing for nutrients and space. Plus they could be thinned more. It's interesting how a beet by itself can be twice the size of two beets side-by-side. Thankfully, my CSA coordinator, Matthew is a total angel and he was very nice about it. He says this year is a learning year. The next time I harvest the beets (my next commitment is in 6 weeks) I will do it in the early morning before they've gotten any heat from the day. Then immediately rinse them in cool water. McKenzie says that's the difference between a beet or lettuce that will last one day and one that will last two weeks.

I learned how to stake the tomato plants. Home gardeners are probably familiar with the fancy circular metal stakes for tomatoes, but this way is cheaper, in my opinion cooler, and more feasible for large crops of tomatoes. This is how you do it: Every two plants you pound in a stake deeply with a hammer. Then using twine (I was wondering why I had to buy twine) you tie it tightly between the two stakes and then go back again. This is the tricky part. The twine makes a figure eight around the two plants/a criss-cross in the middle.    So basically the plant is going to grow through the narrow space between the two twines. (Is twines a word?) Repeat it every six inches up the stake. And when you have a whole row of tomatoes like me, repeat it another dozen or so times. This, of course, should be done very very fast, as per McKenzie's instructions.. lol.

*CSA   Community Supported Agriculture. It's all the rage these days. It's where the community basically invests in a farmer, so that he or she isn't taking on the whole risk and investment themself. The customer buys a "share" for something like $700 a year. Sometimes they offer big and small shares; every week or every other week, that sort of thing. Then you go to the designated pick up place and you get your fresh picked vegetables of the week. Usually the harvest is bountiful so it pays for itself. It's local. It's (almost always, depending on the farm) organic. It's a win-win for everyone.

A ghetto surprise

2010-06-22T16:20:00.001-05:00

I live in the city, above an African Salon ("Salon D'Afrique"). Next to my apartment is a laundromat. Today I was in the garbage strewn parking lot, between the two buildings, putting my daughter in her stroller, when I saw in the cracks of the pavement an itty bitty carrot top. I bent down and pulled it up by the roots and it did have a straight root like a carrot. Could it be a wild carrot? In the middle of the city? I chewed it and, to my surprise, it was! I looked around and found some more in other cracks! I picked and ate them all. (though, given their size, maybe "tasted" is a more appropriate word.) It's so exciting to me to be gaining some agriculture knowledge, that I can spot a plant and recognize it's leaf. It reminds me of a random project I once did, (I'm known for those) in which I picked, dried, and cataloged every type of weed in my yard. There were literally hundreds of them. I just taped them into this little crayola construction paper booklet. I never bothered looking up their names, but I did have a good time putting them in categories of similarity- pointy leaves, round leaves, multiple leaves per stem, single leaf per stem, one vein per leaf, multiple veins per leaf, etc. etc. It was loads of fun; a chance to just admire the diversity all around us that we take for granted. I had fantasies of discovering a new species.

A new blog

2010-06-20T19:48:00.001-05:00

This week I attended a three day conference on city planning. It was fascinating. I am so grateful to have been able to attend it. I got an email about it several months ago because I'm on a city mailing list. The cost was $150 and I knew I couldn't afford it but the conference is practically in my back yard (I walked there) so it was an opportunity I couldn't pass up. I emailed my Congresswoman, Niki Tsongas, who was going to be the chairman of the event, and I told her that I really would like to attend but I can't afford a ticket but if she had an extra to share with me I would be grateful. One of her staff wrote back and they said the best they could do for me was half off. I gratefully accepted. But two days before the event they informed me that they put me on the media list (as a writer). I had sent them a link to this blog post to show my interest in the subject. I got in for free! Not to mention I got a cool media pass. (Timmy teased me that he could easily make one).

Anyway, the event was fabulous. It's such a refreshing change from stay-at-home life. The chance to dress up and partake in stimulating conversation and listen to experts on a subject you have so much to learn about. I took notes voraciously and will be typing it all up on a new blog. I have decided to start a new blog because I would like to have something more professional to put on a business card to hand out at events like these. I will link to all the more professional articles that I write on this blog. I think most of my readers would prefer it that way anyway. For the time being, this blog will primarily be farm posts but that is only temporary. I have decided to compile all of those posts and hopefully make a book out of it because I've gotten some good feedback on them. The website is www.thethinkingforum.blogspot.com

Weeding is a form of meditation

2010-06-20T19:24:00.002-05:00

The other day Mckenzie emailed me and mentioned gently that it looks like I'm a little behind on weeding and planting and would I like to meet with her? I'm glad she positioned her question nonchalantly because I was very sensitive about the pathetic state of my farm. I forwarded the email to my husband because he hasn't been to the farm in a while (he got a new job) and he was really clueless about the state of things. Her email was the wake-up call he needed so he went with me to the farm after a long day of work even though he was exhausted. We managed to go without the kids so it was kind of like a date. We sat across from each other and planted our pepper seedlings. It was romantic. The only thing that would have made it more cliche was, perhaps a love making scene. But that's never going to happen. Too freakin dirty there. No pun intended. He said that we went faster if I dug the holes and he pulled out all the seedlings from the tray. I know he just wanted to do that job because it's the fun one. I didn't care though. I like all the jobs.

After seeing the disastrous state of things, he's made it a higher priority for me to get to the farm. In life you have choices. And every thing you do is , whether you like it or not, a choice not to do other things. I learned that from this candid black woman at a conference for pre-med students at UMASS med school. During the question & answer section this one girl was saying she wanted to be a forensic pathologist but she couldn't take advantage of this scholarship because of bla bla bla and she couldn't take this pre-med class because of bla bla bla. And the awesome professor totally set her straight and explained that if she wanted to be a Med student she had to find a way to do it. I've been thinking a lot about this concept because farming is really displacing a lot of other things in my life. I haven't been to the gym in weeks!!!! The only reason I'm OK with that is that I'm still getting a fair amount of exercise walking and biking around town and working on the farm.

Today farming displaced church. This, of course, is a source of guilt because I do try to follow the commands of the Lord and one of them is to observe the sabbath. I spent a good deal of time contemplating the situation as I weeded in the peaceful field by myself. Weeding is meditative to me. It is a form of rest to me. So how could this be breaking the sabbath? In this day and age, getting up and dressed and dragging the kids out the door to church seems as much like work as every other day in which we do the same thing to go to school and work and errands. So how is that a day of rest? So, even though I am not against Sunday church service, I think it is a bit of a mistake to insinuate that attending church meets the qualifications of a sabbath observed.

As I sat there weeding, Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata went through my head. It's a beautiful song, but when you only a know three bars of the song, like me, it gets old fast. After the 10th run through your mind you kind of want to bash your head in. I also kept thinking the word "nematode" over and over (microscopic worm/parasite) for no particular reason. Normally my mind is always racing with ideas and thoughts. Perhaps it's good for me to sometimes think of nothingness.

By the time I left I had gotten all the weeding caught up. It was the most gratifying feeling ever. Especially after the previous week in which we were falling behind and I had nightmares that I had accidentally pulled up all my carrots.

Speaking of carrots, I've eaten a few of them. They are itty bitty. One might even mistake it for a weed. But... and this might seem obvious, but to me it is fascinating... it tastes like carrot. How can something so small capture a taste essence so perfectly? I also brought home a bunch of fully grown beets in a basket. The pride you feel in home-grown produce makes all the time and money investment worth it. And I don't even like beets. lol. Well, I'm starting to like them now. The only experience I have with them is every Easter when my mom serves pickled beets. I never touch them (and I eat everything). I can imagine how it became an Easter tradition though- back in the days when there weren't super-markets. Easter came at the end of winter, so there was nothing but pickled/canned/dried produce left to eat. Nothing fresh.

When I was speaking with a Portuguese neighbor, I told him I was going to plant watermelon and he immediately protested that it was too late. These immigrant gardeners really know there stuff. I knew I was in trouble when he said that. So I came up with a brilliant plan b. I have decided to drive several hours north to a farm in New Hampshire and buy a crap-load of strawberry plants. I have to call them first and see if they will bear fruit this year or not. I only want the ones that will. Sure, it will be more expensive than the watermelon seeds would have been, but there's no way I'm just letting all that land go to waste and I really had my heart set on fruit.

Steal this book

2010-06-13T16:20:00.000-05:00

Steal This Ebook

Bugs

2010-06-13T13:14:00.005-05:00

The variety of bugs you come across is amazing. A lot of spiders, surprisingly. Also a huge amount of ladybugs. At first we thought they were adorable. Until we figured out that they weren't just there to look pretty. So we killed dozens of them. Then I went home and googled them and found out that they are called "A gardners best friend" because they eat pests. DOH!

After a day at the farm, one evening, I was breastfeeding Saphira and I saw a tick on the back of her earlobe (ironically, the same place I found one on my son when he was her age). I'm so lucky to have caught it. The risk of lyme disease transmission is minimal to nil in the first 24 hours. Nevertheless I was pretty vexed. Even more frightening was finding another tick on my scalp the next day! - possibly more than 24 hours after attachment!

The last report I did in school when I got my RN was on Lyme Disease so, of course, I'm pretty phobic of it. It can range from mild to incapacitating. And it has the unenviable distinction of being a controversial disease. Meaning that, if you have a severe case of it, you will be hard-pressed to find a doctor to prescribe the long-term antibiotics that you need. This is because (soap box rant here:) the medical community is so ridiculously paranoid about causing a super bug. If they were so concerned they should look at the larger root of the problem- the factory styled farms that pump out our meat supply, at the cost of unsanitary conditions and the necessary antibiotics to keep this practice viable.

I happen to know the real cure to Lyme Disease. OK, it hasn't been proven, but it worked for the author of Cure Unknown: Inside the Lyme Epidemic and it makes a lot of sense scientifically. I will share it with you for the minority reader who will actually care: When someone with Lyme Disease takes a round of antibiotics they will experience a herxheimer response, in which they get really sick from all the spirochetes dying. But a certain percentage of spirochetes remain protected, in cyst form. When those come out of hibernation the body is, once again, ravaged by Lyme Disease. But if a patient were to take three rounds of antibiotics, with a break in between each, to allow the cysts to revert to spirochete form they can kill (theoretically) them all.

Depressing

2010-06-13T09:06:00.007-05:00

Today, when I went to the farm the weeds were everywhere. It makes me think of the verses in Genesis 3.

"Cursed is the ground because of you;
through painful toil you will eat of it
all the days of your life.

¹⁸ It will produce thorns and thistles for you,
and you will eat the plants of the field.

¹⁹ By the sweat of your brow
you will eat your food
until you return to the ground"

Yup. Depressing. My neighbor farmer, Dominic, and I commiserated. He commented that the weeds were all-consuming. I have three beds (200 feet each) that aren't covered by black plastic and they are 100% weeds. Just one long row of green. Half of it was never planted on. I may just give up on them. Or maybe there is a way to just dig up all the weeds at once since there are no plants to avoid. The rows of black plastic are beautiful to look at. One lone plant in the middle. No weeds surrounding it. I could kiss it. I think next year I'll do all black plastic. I'm not sure if that's even possible with the small roots- carrots and beets, but if there is a way, I will find it.

Black plastic is kind of ugly. In a nearby town (think: snooty, upperclass) there is this public garden for all the kids to learn how to plant in. I was reading the plan for it and it said there would not be any ugly black plastic (I can't remember the exact wording); that it would be all natural practices, etc. I think that environmentally concerned citizens have this idealized dream of sustainable farming practices. And there is nothing wrong with that. It's like this goal that we should shoot for. And certainly there are things that non-negotiable- like cancer causing pesticides. But it's easy to judge without a full understanding of farming. I am slowly learning that hard lesson. I remember, before this year of farming, reading about how to make a green house. I decided that if I were to make a green house I wouldn't use PCV piping which is environmentally irresponsible. But at my New Entry training they did a brief overview of how to make a green house and there was no discussion of alternatives to PCV piping, which makes me think that an alternative is not very viable- either because of labor or material cost.

I spent a great deal of time weeding the carrots. We pulled various green stems to see which was the top of a carrot. We decided that carrots were kind of whitish with a straight root-no little hairy roots branching off. Once we got that straight we had at it. But I doubt my farm mentors will even be able to tell that I weeded. It still looks overgrown.

We didn't have time to touch the beet weeds. Though I admit to pulling up one beet, brushing the dirt off and attempting to bite it to see what it tastes like. I guess you really need to wash it though to get rid of that dirt taste.

I planted two more trays of peppers. I have two more to go. I'm almost done!

I checked the pumpkin seeds I planted several days ago. The seeds hadn't even cracked open yet. Like the weed problem: Depressing. I'm beginning to think I've missed the window of opportunity to plant our watermelon and cantaloupe, which basically my whole budget rested on this year. Depressing. Next year I think I'll sprout them indoors in May. I don't mind taking a financial hit this year. It was more for the experience than anything.

The last several times I've gone to the farm I was alone (or with small children). I think it's dumb how people can be excited about something in theory but when it comes time to actually doing the work, they're no where to be seen. I think there is something deep down in my soul that needs to be close to nature and that motivates me to go. Maybe that is why I'm so sensitive to sunlight. I don't do well with night shifts and the short days of winter. Also, I enjoy working hard. I think that's because I moved every other year growing up. When moving day came you just pick up a box and carry it to the moving truck. Repeat as necessary. And if you did it slowly the job never got done, but if you did it quickly, it did.

Predators!

2010-06-09T11:56:00.003-05:00

We saw a rainbow on the way to the farm. Dimitri wanted to look for the pot of gold. I told him it was a myth. Strangely, I've heard songs about rainbows a lot over the past few days. Cue the twilight music. My mom would just say that "I'm just more aware of it" but I don't think so.

When we got out of the Mango (that's what we call our Dodge Durango) a fellow farmer met me and said that our field had been ravaged by the turkeys. Terror filled my heart as I headed to the field. All that work! It could be gone in an instant! For one minute I actually felt sympathy for my mean old neighbor who killed my bunny. I used to let my bunny wander the back yard and it would sneak under the fence and eat my neighbors garden.

Thankfully the field was OK. Only about a half dozen plants had been eaten. It was kind of cute. They were all in a row. All their stems bitten off. You could just imagine the creature munching on them. I kind of hope they were the deer and not the turkey. Deer are cuter. I got word that they've put up electric fencing since then. Hopefully that will take care of it.

Rain or Shine

2010-06-04T09:27:00.004-05:00

Day four at the farm. It was pouring out all afternoon, but I was going to go; rain or shine. I have about $70 worth of seedlings in the greenhouse that are drying out like the Sahara. And that's just what I paid for them. Their crop value is in the hundreds. So I was going to go and water them and, rain or shine, plant as many as I could. It made me think of those stories in the Laura Ingles books where the whole family has to get up in the middle of the night to save the crops from an unexpected frost. We farmers gotta do what we gotta do. But thankfully it wasn't raining when I got there.

I wore my husband's mechanic outfit and some boots. I've pretty much given up on wearing my own clothes. I just leave covered in mud anyway and it's only a matter of time before I blow out the knees in the pants.

When I got there I met a new neighboring farmer, Tim. He was making three rows and they were beautiful. Dang, all these perfectionist farmers are making me look bad. It was nice to have a friend nearby though. We chit chatted about how there is so much to do and everything is top priority; there is nothing that can wait. And we both said at the same time: "why do we do this to ourselves?" lol. For me: I have to plant my seedlings, plant my melons, and weed my beets and carrots. It's all urgent. The beets, by the way, look about the same as they did before I weeded them last time. It's very depressing.

I spent the next two hours planting seedlings. The tomato plants were looking very sad. Hopefully I saved them. When they were still in the trays I watered them all, seemingly enough. But when we took them all out there was only two millimeters of wet dirt. I had no idea how much water it took to really water them.

Dimitri was with me. I dug holes, fertilized them, then he put the plant in and filled in the dirt. The plants slipped right out of the square with a gentle tug on the stem. It was a satisfying feeling to pull them out- if that makes any sense. It was the perfect job for him. He also did some watering (all the kids favorite job). By the end he just sat there next to me. We chatted and he showed off the math problems that he knew. It was the sort of lackadaisical conversation that would be hard to have at home with all of the distractions.

When you mix in the (organic) fertilizer it's important to mix it in or the nitrogen just evaporates. Keeping Nitrogen in the soil is a constant goal of the farmer. One way to do this is to plant soybeans or peas which are nitrogen fixers. They don't actually add Nitrogen but they don't take it away either. The other way- and this is an important thing all farmers must do- is to let a part of their field "fallow" every couple of years. You just plant a cover crop like clovers and let it rest. Another way to utilize every part of the land (especially here where land is so valuable) is to plant clovers in the walking paths so they can be enriched while the beds are being drained. It's also helpful in reducing the mud. Oddly, water treatment facilities dump so much Nitrogen into lakes that they have to pay Nitrogen credits because of the oxygen it depletes and the algae it creates. It's too bad you can't make fertilizer out of that. Well, that's a whole other issue. I read a book about the sludge from water treatment being used as fertilizer and all the terrible chronic diseases and cancers the farmers got from it. There are so many toxins being dumped in our sewage supply ranging from embalming chemicals from funeral homes to pharmaceuticals dumped down household drains . That's an environmental issue that really needs to be addressed.

Green thumb

2010-05-30T01:59:00.009-05:00

I officially can use the expression "green thumb" about myself because today I literally had a green thumb! I weeded my beets for two hours and that was the result. Ok. ok. It was more yellow than green. But I'm still counting it.

I took Brandon, Wolfie and Saphira with me. Timmy went fishing with Dimitri. Which, if you think about it, means that he was hunting while I was gathering. ha ha.

We had a lot of work to do. The season is just starting to get really busy. McKenzie emphasized that I had to get the beets thinned ASAP, so that was the main goal. I also wanted to plant as many of my pepper and tomato seedlings as possible. I was lucky I went today because they were dry and starting to wilt.

We worked for 3 1/2 hours and I'm really proud of Brandon and Wolfie because they really did work. I only had to yell at them a little. And when I say yell, I mean yell, because the field is so big you can't just talk to each other when you are on other ends. At one point they were spraying each other with the hose. And at another point Brandon sat down for 15 minutes and widdled a piece of wood into a point with his name (crudely) written on it. But other than that, they were working pretty consistently. As I kneeled there in the dirt I kept thinking how awesome it was that we have this project that we have to do for hours every week. It forces us into the out-doors/fresh-air that I crave so much for myself and the kids. I feel so blessed.

The last time we came in the evening the bugs were brutal, so this time I remembered the bug spray. It wasn't bad though this time, for some reason.

We saw a turkey. :) McKenzie says they are building turkey and deer fencing because they eat everything.

Wolfie did a great job of poking holes in the black plastic and mixing in fertilizer. Brandon and Wolfie planted about 100 feet of seedlings (approximately a foot apart each). We turned on the drip tape for the first time. I weeded the beets. At first I was looking closely to see which ones had red stems so I wouldn't pick beets. But I quickly figured out that I'd never get done if I continued at that leisurely pace. So I started pretty much pulling everything like a mad woman. The beets were obvious. So there was no need to analyze what was or wasn't a beet. Just avoid the big patches of red-stemmed- similar looking ones. It was also a great job to do with Saphira because she sat next to me and could pretty much grab anything and it was almost guaranteed to be a weed. And if it was a beet, it probably needed to be thinned anyway. While I weeded them I also thined them about three finger lengths apart. There were long patches with no beets. And then long patches of densely growing beets. Which makes me think that maybe it would have been better if I had planted the seeds by hand. I replanted as many of them that I could in the bare patches. I still had a lot left when the sun was going down so I took them with me and hopefully will be able to plant them at my in-law's houses tomorrow. I don't know how much they will wilt in the car overnight. I don't know how hardy they are.

By the end of the day Wolfie was sick of me saying the word beets so he made me replace them with the word bread when i spoke of them; like "Look at this big bread" or "Boys, go water the bread".

Questions for the Governor

2010-05-30T00:24:00.010-05:00

I went to a town hall type/meet and greet meeting in which Gov. Deval Patrick met with the Cambodian community (at this awesome adult day care center for Cambodians!) It was great. When I walked in I got to chit chat with some young Democrat campaigners. We b******d about Capuano losing and Coakley losing and when our next shot at rectifying that is (2012) and if Capuano will run again (he hasn't announced).

Then Governor Patrick came in the room and all the standard greetings were done. And he said a few words in Khmer, which, of course, everyone loved. Then some Buddhist monks did a Victory chant for him, which was pretty cool (as he seeks reelection this November).

Then he gave a speech about accomplishments in recent years, which I won't go into, but you can read some of them here.

Then he took a number of questions. The first was from a Cambodian teacher at the high school who has worked there, something like, 22 years. He said that Cambodians are the lowest academic achieving immigrant group in Massachusetts (which I believe). He gave some dismal statistics- I think 6% of Lowell High graduates end up graduating from a 4 year college. (Don't quote me on that one). He was saying that the kids do well up to about fourth grade and after that they fall behind. Basically the question was "what are you going to do about this situation?" Gov. Patrick gave a fluffy answer about how he hasn't made any budget cuts to education despite the terrible economy, bla, bla bla. I wasn't sure exactly what that guy wanted to hear for an answer, but, if nothing else, it is good for Gov. Patrick to hear what's going on in his communities.

Another question was about the economy- this was the best one of the afternoon. The man stated how Cambodians have been a back bone in manufacturing in Massachusetts (it's very true). The man requested that contract bids for Lowell jobs go to Lowell companies. Patricks answer was "yes and maybe" and then he explained that his hands are tied as far as Federal contracts go. He talked about how the bidding process has been reformed and how you used to have to "know somebody" to get a job, but now it's more fair. He also talked about how our state continues to be a big bio-medical manufacturer (coincidentally- my husband just got a job doing that) and also the state is really making strides in "green" manufacturing.

I will be emailing the governor my thoughts on the subject because I thought it was an excellent suggestion and not one that should be blown off (the way it seemed like it was). I'll tell him that I understand that in times of budget woes, the cost of the bids are a critical consideration. I'll also say that obviously, there aren't always Lowell companies qualified to do all jobs. However, I think an ideal bidding process would give weight to companies who promise to hire a certain number of workers from the community. This would be for contracts for distressed areas like Lowell, Lawrence, Springfield, etc. So, please do consider that, Governor.

The next question was, quite possibly, the most interesting question ever asked at a Town Hall meeting. A man said that there are two temples residing in the same building- one upstairs and one downstairs- and the monks have been warring for ten years. And it has gone-or may go- to court. So, "can Gov. Patrick help solve this so they can live in peace?" ... Monks fighting??? Who has ever heard of such a thing? It's the very antithesis of Buddhism! I guess that's the fallen nature of man. We, Christians, don't exactly have a clean history when it comes to inter-church fighting. Deval Patrick said, in a very roundabout way that there was nothing he could do. I thought that was a sucky answer and I would make a great politician because I would have said that I have such-and-such staff member who has experience in mediating contracts between the government and the unions and he's very good and experienced and I'll call him right away and have him sit down with the Monks. I mean, even if the guy just sits with them for one hour and lets them air their grievances, at least it would look like the governor tried.

Then a girl asked him a good question and a moronic question. The good part was the observation that the parks have a lot of litter and the kids all go there and how it should be cleaned up. Deval Patrick said some affirming things and then said how the economy makes it difficult to allocate extra funds right now, but encouraged groups of volunteers to take on the projects. And I thought that was a great answer because -especially in this economy- you can't just throw money at every problem. If I were the governor I would have gotten even more specific. I would have said something like "I challenge you to gather 30 people to clean the park that concerns you most. Nothing can stop your generation when you put your mind to it. This is an opportunity to show your little brothers and sisters that you care. That the earth, your community, their safety, is important to you". Next question. lol.

The second part of her question was something along the lines of "Cambodian kids don't know much about the genocide that their parents went through" and "there's a disconnect between the generations" bla bla bla. "what are you going to do about it?" R U kidding me, girl? What the hell is the governor supposed to do about that?! First of all, I personally, know of dozens of genocide educational programs in Lowell. There are books. There are museum exhibits. There are photograph exhibits. There was a musical. There is the Ankor Wat Dance troop. The subject is covered extensively at the high school... There is, honestly, not much more the state could do to try to "bridge that communication gap" between generations. And if your family is having a problem- take care of it. That is not the government's job. sheesh. Gov. Patrick gave a wishy washy answer on that too, which she totally deserved.

I was surprised that the subject of immigration never came up considering this is a group of immigrants and the subject is a hot button one across the country right now. If I had the opportunity- and I think I will include this in my email to him- I would say that- as Governor there is nothing he can do about this situation- but should he ever seek a federal office, I implore him to please, please, look into the law that stripped immigration judges of the ability to take into consideration special circumstances when deporting permanent residents who commit crimes. Since they were stripped of that power they have been unable to take into consideration the non-violent nature of some crimes, large amounts of time that may have passed since the crime, the immigrant's community contributions since the crime, and the family hardship caused by a deportation. This situation is an atrocity and needs to be addressed. It affects the Cambodian community in particular because young men who have spent their entire lives in America are being sent back to a country they know little about, leaving families in wreckage behind. It's also important to note that this law, the Criminal Alien Deportation Improvements Act of 1995 (Search 104th congress) was passed immediately following the Oklahoma City Bombing in a backlash against immigrants that turned out to be for nothing, since the terrorist was home grown. The root of this bill was reactionary, not carefully thought out.

How to read a mammogram

2010-05-20T12:07:00.009-05:00

Have you ever wanted to know how to read a mammogram? Well, I never did. lol. But this week I did a temp job, recording hundreds of mammogram results for a Doctor while she read them... and now I (sort of) know how to read them. It's fascinating and fun! It's like playing "Where's Waldo" and after reading this, you too, can know how to read a mammogram! (sort of).

The radiologist I worked with was just amazing. She was so patient with my questions. We really clicked. She was one of many doctors working on a study that Hologic is doing as they attempt to get FDA approval for their new alternative imaging to the mammogram. This one is called a Tomogram or "Tomo" for short. I honestly couldn't tell the difference between the two images if my life depended on it. She seemed to prefer the mammogram but, like she said, "if we can diagnose with the same, or better, accuracy, then who am I to say I prefer this one because it's more aesthetically pleasing to me". Also the Tomo is less radiation. It seems to cause more call backs for calcifications though.

Here is what you are looking for:

A Mass. It is, well, just like it sounds. A clump of cells. These warrant a call back. If they project a star-like-look, "tethering" to the tissue around it- they are really really bad. Cancer is a parasite to all the cells around it. It can even suck in a nipple, turning it inverted.

If you have a star-like area but no clearly defined mass in the middle you call these back too. They are categorized as architectural distortion.

Focal asymmetry is a density seen on only one view (or sometimes in only one breast). Mammograms come in two different views: lateral and vertical. (by smooshing the breast once in each direction). Actually the vertical one is a little bit more at an angle to get more axillary tissue in (since that's where the lymph nodes cluster). When you find a spot in one view you have to find the same spot in the other view. The trick is- since they are from different points of view they are at different positions! One shows location and the other depth. It's fun to look at the two pictures and try to pinpoint exactly in the breast where the mass is. To check to see if the two spots you've decided on are the same thing you have to measure their distance to the nipple, as that will coincide.

Calcifications. AKA Calcs. -calcified cellular debris. These are the bright white spots on the mammogram. If they are round, clearly defined, maybe popcorn in shape- those are benign and don't warrent a call back. If they look like a cracker has been crumbled over the page (as my radiologist put it) then they are probably linear calcs AKA intraductal calcs. These are usually malignant (comes from the Latin word for bad). Those are what you are looking for. A cluster of four or more is what you're looking for. Usually they are very very tiny and easy to miss. You have to look carefully for them. They indicate DCIS -Ductal carcinoma in situ which is the earliest form of breast cancer, yet to spread to other parts of the breast.

If the calcifications look like "train tracks" -and these are usually pretty clearly in the veins, they aren't anything to worry about. But it does indicate that the patient has diabetes (or is very elderly). High blood sugar is just murderous to blood vessels. If they are floating in precipitate- wide in one view, stacked in the other- it is benign. I'm not exactly sure what Susan (my Radiologist) meant by that, but I'm going to take a guess and say that since it's floating in precipitate it just kind of moves around to wherever the mammogram pushes it. It's not actually ON something.

While looking at the mammogram you may also see little pods of fat which are dark and oval-like.

There are also lymph nodes. These are generally kidney shaped (see picture), but can also be round. The round ones can have a fatty hylum (middle). As long as the cortex (outer edge) is thin, then it's OK. Cancer can metastasize to the lymph node, which is bad news, so that's always something to watch for.

Cysts are round, like golf balls. Usually pretty clear. If there are several circles that are questionably a mass but they have smooth clean edges, no distortions/asymmetry, no calcs, nothing suspicious, it is, in all likelihood cycts, but it is still a good idea to call the patient back for follow up.

Sclerosing adenosis in a lobule looks like an octagon. It is a benign mass. Nothing to worry about.

You may see a nevus (beauty mark on the skin). Sometimes the mammogram technician will mark it with a metal ring. Susan said she prefers not to have them because she can tell what a nevus is and she is concerned that the ring might block something. Also sometimes they mark/point to a scar. This, she says is more helpful. After breast reduction surgery they will have a scar around the areola and that is helpful to note because it can explain away some tethering or architectural distortion.

Veins. These are kind of obvious looking.

Oil Cyst: black with white rim. Perfect circle. Caused by trauma to the breast. Filled with fat. Susan and I had an interesting conversation in we discussed how an oil cyst in just one breast could indicate injury via seat belt during a car accident. And how, if you were the driver it would be on one side and if you were the passenger it would be the other. But it would be the reverse if you were in England, so it's not very useful information as an amateur Sherlock Homes clue.

If breast is pointing left it's a right breast and vice versa.
You can tell if a woman is wearing deodorant
The fat that surrounds the breast tissue indicates how fat the woman is (though some are blessed with fattier breasts despite small stature). You can also tell if a woman has gained or lost weight over the years by comparing mammograms.
Some radiologists rate the obvious ones a "0" or "100" percent chance of malignant tumor. Others say "1" or "99". Susan was the former. She made fun of herself by saying she has some hubris to call it definitive. And now hubris is my favorite word. It's like the educated way of saying ballz.
The radiologist can zoom in and out of the image at different depths. If something appears suspicious in one depth but disappears in the others than it is (usually) OK. Also, you can tell if an image- say a nevus- is on the surface because it will show up on the shallow depths.
Susan joked that Radiologists tend to be OCD.
After reviewing the mammogram or Tomo, the radiologist gives it a score of 0-5 called a BIRADS (Breast Imaging Reporting and Data System). 0=incomplete, 1= normal 2= benign 3= probably benign 4=possibly malignant 5= malignant
It's pretty much pointless to do a mammogram on a breastfeeding woman because the image will be fuzzy/gray.
Each breast has clearly defined breast tissue surrounded by a layer of fat. It was fascinating to observe that some of the largest breasts actually had very little breast tissue. Sometimes a breastfeeding woman will have supply issues. There can be many reasons for it, but I was thinking that a mammogram could be a very useful tool in eliminating or confirming breast tissue as the cause of low milk supply

Personal story: At my 6 week checkup post second baby my OB-GYN discovered a lump. Since I was breastfeeding they skipped the mammogram and went right to ultrasound to try to eliminate the possibility of a cyst, but there was no fluid in it, so they had to biopsy it. (Thankfully) I didn't see the needle til I worked this Hologic job and OMG- it is huge. I kid you not, it's nearly the thickness of a pencil. There aren't many nerves in the breast though, so they really only have to numb the skin. It wasn't that bad. Lot's of bruising after though. After the biopsy they didn't get back to me so eventually I called them and they were like "yeah, it's nothing. You don't have to come back". And I'm like "oooookaaaaaaay"- I felt like there were a lot of unanswered questions. Like what is "nothing"? A cyst? A benign tumor? I didn't pursue it though because I had a million other things going on in my life. It was pretty unprofessional though. I won't drop names because maybe they were just having a bad day or something.

Later I was able to participate in a breast cancer study: "Descriptive Biomarkers for Assessing Breast Cancer Risk". If you've ever had a biopsy and are currently breastfeeding you can participate too. It's for a good cause and they pay you a little too. :) contact
slenington AT nre DOT umass DOT edu

Planning for the future

2010-05-12T14:43:00.003-05:00

My bff and I, (two young women who I consider to be very successful) both, every once in a while, make a time-line for ourself with goals and the breakdown to achieve said goals. She's gotten her bachelors, as a single mom, and I got my RN degree, among other achievements.

Last night on American Idol, one of the contestants, Mike, was saying that he had made the goal, a year ago, of making the top three in American Idol. He's in the top four right now, and I'm fairly certain he'll come in second place. Wow. I thought that was a powerful testament to the power of goal planning and positive thinking. So, I'm inspired to set some new goals for myself. Like, get back to 140 lbs, live comfortably/not behind on the bills (which is totally doable since hubby just got a job!!!), maybe get my masters degree and have another baby.

I remember looking back at past goal charts. Some of them never happened, like buying an apartment building. But it doesn't mean the goal wasn't a worthy one, it just wasn't the right one for the right time in my life. There were more important experiences I needed in this University of Life. God knew that and he put those experiences in my life, ahead of my cute little goal time-lines.

Edited to add: Several hours after writing this Mike was cut from American Idol, at #4. Lesson there? Even the best planning can't guarantee the future.

On an unrelated note: check out this kid.

Free Range Kids

2010-05-08T11:49:00.011-05:00

This is a great article.
Also this.

This is one of my biggest soap box issues. My kids are free-range! Locking up kids in the house is not normal. I tell my husband and mom "I used to walk to kindergarten without an adult," and they both reply "East Lansing, back then, isn't the same as the (small) city you live in now". Really, people? Really? It was neighboring the Michigan State University Campus. There were just as many pedophiles back then as there are now. There were just as many busy streets. People are remembering with rose colored glasses. Also, remember mom?, when I was eight and you stuck me on a plane by myself to travel across the country to Arizona- with a layover/plane change in Dallas and Chicago! It's also relevant to bring up to them that my husband used to wander the jungles of Cambodia as a young child. It's filled with predators like tigers and poisonous snakes. When he lived in the Philippines, around the age of 6 or 7, he remembers walking way up into the mountains and playing with the tribal children, communicating through sign language.

This summer I have a plan for the kids to go out every single day to play. I'll make them a hearty breakfast. They can plan their schedule a week in advance. They'll have a cell phone with them, helmets, if on bikes, and if they want, I'll pack them a lunch. There is so much they can do around here:

swim the city pool
friend's houses
free kid's shows in downtown on Wednesdays
free lunches at the schools
local museums that sometimes do kid activities
six parks within biking distance including one sprinkler park
the library that has a kids summer reading program
plus a day camp I was thinking of signing them up for
dozens of eateries and even an ice-cream parlor
take the bus to the mall

Speaking of walking at the mall - has anyone seen the commercial for some phone network, in which the mom tracks her teenage kids at the mall with the cell phone (while she is there shopping)? Is that not, the most ridiculous thing you've ever seen? We are lucky, as a generation to be able to hand our kids a cell phone and say "call me if there's a problem". I am grateful to that. But with that ability we should be more lax as a society not less.

The biggest deterrent to free-range kids is not safety concerns or a predators. It's child protective services. We're literally turning into a Nazi gestapo society. It's very scary to me. I totally agree with the article that the only way to fight this is for neighbors to see lots of kids playing by themselves and get comfortable with it. I've actually had success with this in the past. When I let my kids play outside the neighbor kids slowly come out of the woodwork. You wouldn't believe how many of them there are. They're all hiding in there playing video games, getting obese.

When I was 11 I started babysitting! But now, people question you if you leave an 11 year old without adult supervision. It's absolutely absurd.

Also, no free range kids means no spontaneous ball games. So now we have these ridiculously expensive and time consuming leagues and classes in which moms become chauffeurs and dads become obsessive (sometimes rude) fans and kids get less actual ball time and it becomes all about winning and athletic achievement less about a fun game with the neighborhood kids. Has our society improved? I think the answer is obvious.

One of the comments after the article was spot on:

It seems to me that there is one key difference between neglect and letting one’s child have independence:

Does the child know where their parent/guardian is?

If they do not – mum ‘just went out’, ‘told us to go away, she was going for a drink’, dad ‘went somewhere’. You have a case for neglect. A parent has made themselves unavailable leaving children, in the least frightened and at worst, in danger.

If they can say ‘Mum and Dad are at home at 132 Acacia Drive’ or ‘I’m staying with Aunty Sara today, she’s at her house over there and said we could go out’ – no case for neglect. The parent or guardian has made their own risk assessment, and the child knows where they are and that they can go to them any time.

Obviously, one must allow for kids potentially forgetting stuff or making things up, but if you walk with a child back to their house, and there are their parents and all is in good order, there is clearly no grounds for concern.

Allowing children out of your supervision is not the same as making yourself unavailable to them.

Two digressions:

1. I'd like to slip in at the end here my theory on why society is becoming this. Because the number of kids we have has decreased dramatically, less eggs in the basket, so to speak. This is especially true on the coasts, where helicopter parenting is completely out of control. In my opinion, we've fallen away from the Lords design, of an average of seven kids per family. This is one of the repercussions of that. With obesity being an offshoot of that repercussion.

2. As you can see, I've compiled an impressive list of options for my kids to go to this summer, without me having to chauffeur them. This is one of the reasons that I am a big proponent of urban life and a protester of suburban sprawl. Relevant to that is the book Suburban Nation: The rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream In this book is the great observation that the suburban teenager's maturity is stunted by their need to rely completely on their guardian to chauffeur them around.

Day 2 at the Farm

2010-05-03T12:23:00.005-05:00

May 1st. It's a beautiful Saturday morning so we gathered up the troops and I packed up every conceivable thing I could think of; including a folding table to eat lunch on ( a wasted effort however, because there was already one there). I relished the chance to sport the hippy farmer look. I wore work boots, a long skirt and a tank plus two french braids framing my face. My brother in law, Bun; niece, Jennifer and nephew, Calvin came along.

I was surprised that our neighboring farmers weren't there since the weather was perfect and everyone had so much planting to do. Our farm maintenance man, Don, had made raised beds for us with his tractor. To the untrained eye, they might look like rows of dirt; but to the farmers who made a single bed by hand last week, it was a work of art to rival Mona Lisa.

The kids worked with us for the first hour and then played. I was overjoyed watching them. I don't think I've ever seen them play so hard: running non-stop, back and forth through the rows and pouring cool water on their heads with the watering can. Thank God that Bun brought sun screen or they would have burned. I never think of that because I don't burn and my husband is dark skinned so I know it's unusual for them to burn. But the first scorching day of the spring on baby skin was turning Saphira's face pink.

Timmy used the rototiller to finish one half done bed and make a clean finish to the two ends of the field. We smoothed out the 200 foot bed and fertilized it. The way the tractor made our beds there is, like, a lump in the middle of each path. I hate to see the land go to waste so we're going to turn most of them into mini-beds, good enough for small crops, like our row of carrots. Timmy planted carrots and he had started to double back on the row with the extra seeds when I saw him from across the field. "STOP!!!!!!" I yelled. "Do you know how much work it is to thin carrot seedlings??"- one of the many things I've learned from farm class.

I have to say, before this year I was very naive about farming. Well, I knew I had a lot to learn and that's what drew me to this program which provided me with classes and a mentor, but let's just say I didn't know what I didn't know. Yes, it can be as simple as seed + water + sun + soil = plant, but that is just the beginning. That is like 1+1 = 2 in the world of agriculture. I'm used to being the class brainiac- especially in nursing school. I was usually the first one done with the tests and I did well, despite never reading the texts or studying more than just the night before. In farm class I was lucky if I could follow the conversation. Half of the vocabulary was a foreign language to me. Neptunes? Drip tape? Night shades? Mouldboard? disc and sickle mowers? nematode? tilth? hard pan? Sub soiling? Cucurbitaceae?* huh?? wha??? I loved the challenge though, the new world of knowledge opening up to me.

We also planted honey dew melons. These are a part of my little experiments this year. I had saved a bunch of seeds last summer to plant. Later I found out about "hybrids" and "heirlooms". Apparently much of the produce we eat comes from hybrid seeds that produce quality fruit but the seeds inside those fruit are sterile. I'm curious a) if that's true. (ha ha. I've got to see it to believe it. I'm such a dork). and b) how many of the seeds I collected this is true for. What is the percentage of our food supply that is altered like this?

We watered the seeds with the watering can, walking back and forth from the faucet to the field which took a ridiculous amount of time. We only have one bed planted too! (Three, two-hundred foot rows) There's a dozen more to go! We've spent so much time on it and there's so much to go. It just goes to show you how big a quarter acre really is. There's no way we could farm without drip tape. I look forward to setting that up soon. Did you know that 75% of water sprayed on crops, as opposed to dripped on the soil, is wasted to evaporation? That's a considerable strain on resources. Both money and water.

We took a break to eat stir fry beef and broccoli on rice. and ice cold water. Unfortunately for me, Bun brought two boxes of doughnuts. I say "unfortunately" because I have no will power and by the end of the day I had eaten four of them. Hopefully it was still a caloric break-even though, with all the hard work I put in at the farm. At one point sweat was dripping off my forehead and stinging my eyes. I love that feeling. It's refreshing to work hard like that.

I also planted a border of flowers and the front of every bed. Hopefully it will be real pretty. Maybe my neighboring farmers will be envious. no. that's mean.

Once home, we were all so desperate for a shower we hopped in 2 or 3 at a time. We were exhausted, and quite astounded to find that we'd only been there three hours. One thing that's hard about being a farmer is that coming home from the farm is like coming home from the beach. Everyone's tired. There's a load of laundry and a sink of dishes to bring in from the car and wash. There's garbage and sand. Cleaning up is a job in and of itself. All in all, it was a good day though.

*Neptunes: Fish emulsion, used as a powerful fertilizer
Drip Tape: A thin tubing run across your beds that drips water on your plants
Night shades: the nickname for the solanaceae family. potatoes, peppers, egg plants, tomatoes etc.
Mouldboard: A plow
Disc and sickle mowers: handle large, rough areas that need to be mowed
Nematode: A parasitic worm that can cause severe crop loss
Tilth: soil that has the proper ratio of sand, clay and organic matter to grow healthy crops
Hard pan: A layer of compacted, cement-like soil right under the top layer. Also called plow pan
Sub-soiling: Deep tillage to break up hard pan
Cucurbitaceae: the family of plants that includes gourds, pumpkins, melons, squash

omg FUH-NEY book

2010-04-28T10:27:00.004-05:00

I just read the funniest book. Only it wasn't a comedy. It was serious. Which makes it really pathetic. It's called Give Peace a Deadline: What Ordinary People Can Do to Cause World Peace in Five Years. When I picked it up I was skeptical, but I thought, hey, even if the goal isn't achievable, at least maybe it will have some good ideas in it.

But no.

No. It does not have some good ideas.

It does have very funny ideas peppered through-out. Like "get some friends to join you".

One of the most provocative bumper stickers I've ever seen says "World peace begins at home". And that makes me think of domestic violence. There will be no world peace until all domestic violence and sexual abuse has ended. Whew, that goal is overwhelming enough to think about. How about school bullying- like the kind that caused Phoebe Prince to commit suicide? How about FGM? Hate crimes? Then you add to that list all the specific tribal and governmental wars going on; the genocide in Darfur, etc; you've got yourself a pretty daunting list of "non-peace" to deal with in five years. The only way to tackle a goal like that is to take each issue one by one and come up with a plan for end in five years. Say... negotiate with some leaders, assassinate the ones who will not negotiate, numerous peace accords, and the one suggestion the book does make: financial sanctions. Is that list and timeline realistic? No, it's laughable.

As a Christian, I can't help but reflect on the Biblical prophesies concerning peace, which claim that Israel and Palestine will not achieve peace until the end of time. It says that there will be a 1000 years of peace, but that's only after the second coming of the Messiah. So, unless the Messiah is coming in 2014, I do not foresee World Peace.

I admire the book for suggesting that there are specific things we can do to achieve world peace. That is a fresh outlook to the subject. But it's completely unrealistic and unhelpful. I would have respected it if the authors took each "non-peace" conflict currently going on and wrote a chapter on how to solve that particular problem and included a tip on what you can do about it. Tips like:

Don't buy blood diamonds or conflict minerals
Only pay for items a price which would allow for living-wages for the workers who produced said item
Volunteer in a Romanian orphanage
Know a good hit-man? Call this 800 number to recommend him, we will need him to take out (fill in the blank) dictator.

Deena goes superficial for a moment

2010-04-26T10:58:00.000-05:00

Farm journal

2010-04-22T09:03:00.004-05:00

I am recording our first year of farming to dispel and/or confirm all the romantic notions I had in my head when venturing into this... Let the reader be the judge.

Our first day on the farm! We drove around for a half an hour looking for it. The GPS said it was in the middle of this gorgeous residential neighborhood but we couldn't for the life of us find it. Finally, on a whim, my husband turned into this dirt driveway between two mansions and there it was, in the back. I am a little annoyed that the farm is in the middle of this upscale neighborhood because that means that every day, to and from the farm, we will be tempted to covet... the expansive lawns, the three car garages, the apple orchards in the back yards, the stone exteriors to the mansions, the gigantic outdoor pools with fountain spouting rocks, the flawlessly era-replicated architecture...

At the farm we were anxious to get to work so the boys and I started filling a wheel barrel with rocks from our quarter acre. We probably got 10% of them, but hey, that's something. The ground was soft. Our feet sunk in a few inches with each step. I encouraged the boys to not be afraid to get dirty. I was most excited about the fact that the kids could just run around freely and get fresh air without me worrying about them, or watching them like a hawk like I would have to in the city. Saphira wanted to hang out mostly in the car though, which caused us to nervously watch her from afar in the field- afraid, I guess, that she might fall out or slam the door on herself or something.

Timmy made one raised bed with a lawn-mower like machine and then made one walking row on the right and started the one on the left when the machine broke. He made the rest with a rake which was exhausting. Brandon and I smoothed the bed and removed rocks that were brought to the surface. We had to keep reminding the kids (and ourselves) not to walk on the bed, because we needed the dirt to be fluffy for the beets we were planting- a root crop. It will probably become second nature after all the beds are made, with all the nice rows in place, and after the plants start cropping up, differentiating the walking paths from the growing beds.

Then Brandon and I sprinkled organic fertilizer. The fertilizer was like rabbit food in consistency- a little smellier. I used my hands to spread it and it felt good to get dirty. On the first day of farm class I had to write a paragraph about myself and I wrote how I love the stimulation of all the senses that takes place in farming: the feel of the dirt, the smell of the fresh air, the sounds of the birds and bugs, the vibrant color of a red pepper, the unsurpassed taste of freshly grown produce. So, here I was, on the first day, feeling that dirt between my fingers, and loving it.

While Timmy and I labored we kept thinking about our ancestors who did this first. I kept remembering how the colonists chopped down trees to clear a field and the ridiculous amount of work that is. All I had to do was toss a few rocks out of a field (that has been farmed on before) and that, alone, seemed like too much work. It's interesting to note that he was thinking of his Cambodian people and I was thinking of colonists. Is that because we feel an unconscious connection to our own blood, I wonder?

The one romantic notion that was quickly dispelled, I was quite dismayed to discover, was the whole "family bonding" thing. I still hold out hope that we will have lots of laughing and playing together this summer as we undertake this venture. Buuuut, for today, there was quite a bit of bickering. Me, snapping at Brandon that he was "doing it wrong" and Brandon and Dimitri fighting over a stupid little shovel. Dimitri deliberately walking on the raised bed to piss me off. Saphira ending the day with non-stop crying because she was tired. Oh well. Tomorrow is a fresh start. (Wolfie wasn't there because he got invited to his cousins house by his Aunt, which is rare. Plus he was at a field training yesterday. And he perpetually picks on Dimitri and I figured we would have enough stress on our first day as it is).

We planted the beets with this cool seed spreading tool. It took a while to set up, which made me impatiently think that it would be easier to just drop the seeds in ourselves. But once we got it going, the tool turned out to be pretty darn cool, much faster and more even than we could have done by hand. There was a measuring part that helped you make straight rows but I thought it was stupid because you have a two foot area: how hard is it to "stay on the side" or "stay in the middle". So we didn't really use the tool. I could have done the lines perfectly, but I let Timmy and Brandon do it and the lines are crooked. I don't really care. Obviously the reader is starting to gather that I am a layed back sort of person. We will see how this plays out over the course of our year. There are advantageous to my personality though. I think it makes me a good mother. If you are uptight, it makes for a miserable time raising four kids (and if the Lord blesses us we will have more).

The last step was to water the rows, but it looked like it was going to rain, and the forecast for the next day was rain, so we decided not to. 24 hours later, as I write this, it has yet to start raining. ha ha.

Before we left we peeked at our neighbors 1/4 acre to compare her row of carrot seeds. Her rows were perfectly straight, emphasized by the darkness of the rows of wet soil. We told ourselves that ours wasn't bad. But hers definitely looked better. Our mentor, McKenzie, might have a frustrating year with us. She seems to have a high regard for neatness in farming. Probably for good reason. We shall see.

As we piled in the car, tired; and quickly, to appease the screaming toddler, I felt immensely dirty. And I cringed at the thought of all that mud entering with us- cloth seats, I might add. Oh well, I thought. I might as well get comfortable with the idea since we have a whole summer ahead of us like this. We'll definitely vacuum it a lot though. In the car we scarfed down the strawberries, carrots and grilled cheese sandwiches I made. The sandwiches were soggy, the strawberries spilled and we daintily picked up the carrots, cringing at the thought of the fertilizer and dirt on our hands (though we did rinse in cold water). So our romantic lunch, turned out to be: not so much.

At home we all showered and bathed. I just couldn't get that feeling of dirt off my hands though. I lathered lotion on them. I'll have to buy a gallon of lotion for the summer.

All in all, our first day was a success. All of the Cambodian relatives are so excited to get out there and join us and I can't wait to have them. Oh, and, I got a tan, which is pretty cool. I'm going to be a blond bombshell by the end of the summer.

So mad/ Vote for Atkins

2010-04-19T21:01:00.005-05:00

Update: It is now a year or two later and the casino debate has again come to the legislature. This time there is resounding support for it and, you might be surprised to hear that I support it too. Why the change? Job. The economy. It weighs more in the balance of good than evil at this point. Sad to say, but it is true.

Without further ado: here is the original post which I still stand by given the thriving economy at the time.

Recently our state legislature voted to open up a casino. It was proposed two years ago and did not pass then. At the time I wrote to my legislator, explaining how gambling negatively affects my family and asking him not to vote for it. This time, however, I understand the desperate need for jobs outweighs the negative impact a casino will have on the community. So I wasn't dismayed when it passed. However, several measures were proposed to lessen the societal harm and I'm absolutely furious that they didn't pass. Measures like: Signs posted on the machines with the odds and algorithms. Interventions after 12+ hours of consecutive gambling. Limit losses to $500 a day. Prohibit the pumping of oxygen or pheromones in the air. Displaying clocks.

Creating jobs is one thing. But to have an absolute disregard for your community... it sickens me. It's like the casino lobbyists have already got these legislators in their pockets. Disgusting. This was an opportunity to take a difficult decision that needed to be made in favor of jobs and soften the negative impact on the community. They blew it big time.

The legislators voted down those measures, but one representative from my county stood strong!! Rep. Cory Atkins She also proposed two measures that did pass: One that would create an optional "do not contact" list and one that requires sweeps of casino parking lots for children who might have been left in vehicles while their guardians gamble.

Kudos to you Cory Atkins. I will campaign for you, should you seek reelection.

Food Revolution and Political Asylum

2010-04-16T20:50:00.005-05:00

Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution is all about turning our culture back to the healthy wonderful foods that we used to embrace. It's a subject I'm passionate about. I'm watching his show in which he spends a great deal of time in the public schools helping them make the switch to homemade foods. Right now, public schools across the country don't even cook food anymore. They only reheat. It's just... really... sad. What a dream come true if schools started serving freshly cooked foods again. Yes, it's going to cost more. But this is the health of our next generation we're talking here. This isn't something to be taken lightly any more. It's time for change!!!

* * *

At the gym I start my workout on the bike and read magazines. The other day I read a heart wrenching article about this woman from Africa who had lived through horrendous tragedy and then came to America where her fight for asylum was not easy. I highly recommend the article. Here's a link.

ugh! I hate that!

2010-04-13T08:35:00.003-05:00

I'm writing an article for publication. I wrote the whole thing out in scribble at my job at the laundromat. And then I came home and typed it up. And it took a long time, I did a lot of cleaning up of the piece.

I woke up this morning and opened it and it was gone except for a couple of sentences!!!! I was so afraid that would happen so I saved it every couple of minutes. I wanted to save it on blogger because that's the only way it's guaranteed safe, but the internet was down on that computer. Thank God I have the scribble still. I looked on clipboard and it's not there. I'll have Timmy do a search because he's more tech savvy, but it looks pretty grim. I'm so mad!!!!

I try to look on the bright side whenever that happens. I tell myself that it was meant to be- maybe even a God intervention- because the second time I write it, it will turn out to be even better. (This is often the case for me). In fact, that is actually plausible, given the fact that I'm about to turn the Christian world on its head with this article. Ha ha. I'm serious though. So maybe God wants me to get it just right. But mostly I'm just mad. Because I spent a great deal of time on it and neglected my kids all evening. grrrrrrrr.

Oh, by the way, I sold my first article!!!!! I was going to wait until it was published to declare it here, but this seems like an appropriate time to make the announcement. It's an article extolling the learning value of video games and it will be in the July/August issue of Home Education magazine. It has inspired me to really pursue this writing passion of mine. I have already sent another query to a magazine and when I'm done with this one I will send a query to Christianity Today. I have several other completed articles and several more in my head. The thing that makes me a unique (and wonderful, IMNSHO)writer is that all of my articles are completely fresh. I have never read the ideas I've presented in my articles before. They are full of references and facts, so not BS, but they are my own unprecedented thoughts. Well, this last one, I have to give credit to my Gentle Christian Mother friends who entertained years of stimulating conversation on the subject. And I especially have to give credit to Emily, who made the statement that caused the turning point in my opinion. The rest of the article though, is mine, in the sense that I put together years of deep thoughts and a variety of opinions. I can't say what the article topic is, but Emily knows. wink.

Speaking of turning-point-moments in debate: I have reversed my opinion, in a dramatic fashion on a number of subjects in recent years. (which led to my changing political party). It's fascinating to note that there was an actual turning point; A single statement by someone that caused this about-face. Often it was years of debate and reading that led up to that moment. And not necessarily a slow deterioration of my beliefs. But, as an extremely logical person, often it was just one single assertion that I had to agree was inarguable. One point that broke down my entire argument.

For this reason, I am a big fan of online debate. Some think it is a waste of time; that everyone walks away upset and digs their heels in even more on their point of view. But I am proof that it is not a waste of time. That a single debate falls immensely short of the capacity to change someones mind, but it plants a small seed that can lead, down the road, to a change of opinion.

Just saw this ad

2010-04-11T07:03:00.001-05:00

I just saw this ad on TV. It choked me up. Thought I'd share it. On youtube it says "based on a true story".

I'm in the paper!

2010-04-09T13:42:00.003-05:00

I wish there was an online link to show you, but alas, if you are local you'll have to buy The Sun to see it. Anyway, I was reading to my son's kindergarten class the other day in the park and a newspaper photographer came by and took our picture and there's a great big picture of me reading to the kids! So cool. I was reading Lovable Lyle by Bernard Waber and a few months ago I read The House on East 88th Street which is the introductory story of Lyle the Crocodile. Next month I'm going to read Chicken Dance and then I'm going to play music and dance with all the kids. They're so much fun to hang with.

My farm

2010-04-06T12:05:00.003-05:00

I'm farming a quarter acre this year through a local program called New Entry which trains and leases land to new farmers. I'll be planting watermelon, cantaloupe, beets, carrots and green peppers. I'll be selling them at local farmers markets and also through a CSA. Here is a video of me at graduation in which I told the story of "How I got here". My speech starts at 16:00 It's pretty cool, if I don't say so myself.

video platform video management video solutions video player

Quick Rant

2010-04-02T17:37:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to rant quickly here. Sorry. But I hate Focus on the Family. I hate them so much I can't even put into words.... For starters there's all the gay bashing and lies that James Dobson wrote in his books. Disagree with me? I'll pull out the quotes for you.

But that's not why I'm ranting. I'm ranting because I'm still on their email list (mostly, I'll admit, to keep an eye on their unscrupulous ways). And every email I get anymore is about how the government has turned it's back on the Lord's ways with this health care bill. Well, EXCUSE ME, Focus on the Family, when did you become the chosen interpreter for the Lord?? Here's a quote from today's email:

"As we engage the national discussion of social policy, our faith remains rooted in our eternal and all-powerful Heavenly Father, who is the Creator of all life, and is the reason we work to promote and support His design for the family."

"His design for the family" of course being no national healthcare, since that's all they seem to talk about any more.

Then they come out and bold face lie (literally. In bold face) "the new law authorizes the largest expansion of abortion availability since the Supreme Court legalized abortion on demand in 1973."

A good majority of the Bible is instructions on caring for the poor, the widows, the children, the orphans, the weak, the poor in spirit... How on earth can Christians not support UHC? Or at the very least, how can they speak unequivocally against it as opposed to admitting that this is a gray area for Christians? I know why they can't. Because back in 2000 when Bush was elected for the second time by the narrowest of margins, the consensus seemed to be, among political analysists, that it was the "morality vote" that pushed his victory over the edge. And I, admittedly was one of those votes, back when I was a Republican and the big concern at that time, among Christians, was that a Supreme Court Justice was about to retire and we needed a Pro-Life judge in there. And Focus on the Family was one of the major groups getting out the word and the vote. So after that election, contribution money just poured into Focus on the Family for their political branch; which, as a result, became a large powerful off shoot of the company. And basically, it's fed by Republican dollars so it is puppeteered by the Republican party. That makes me sick. Because Focus on the Family is supposed to be a Christ centered organization and they have totally sold out to the almighty dollar.

And that reminds me of another distasteful story from FOF past. I remember when I was a little girl James Dobson would say that he never asks for money because if there isn't enough funds than it's God's way of closing doors. And that they will follow God's lead. But then, I can't remember when, but I think maybe after 9/11 when all the non-profits took a really hard hit, Focus on the Family started begging for money like you wouldn't believe. And they never stopped. It's just disgusting.

Memories

2010-03-29T09:37:00.007-05:00

I love posting memories here because it's kind of a record of my life. I like to imagine when I die, my loved ones reading this to remember me and my descendants reading this to get to know me. There are even companies that turn blogs into books so someday I may do that.

One time I was taking the T (that's the subway for those of you outside Massachusetts). I was at North Station and I bought a Big Mac at McDonalds because I was hungry and when I walked outside there was a bum sitting there with a cup for donations, which is very common, so it wasn't like the scene invoked some sort of horrified compassion. But at that moment I just thought that he was probably more hungry than me so I offered him the sandwich- it was in the bag still and still warm and melty. He accepted the offer and I went on my merry way. I tell this tale without an ounce of pride that I was some sort of kind, generous person- because first of all- I'm aware that- as Maslaw shows us in his pyramid- I was merely fulfilling my own need for self actualization- and as a Christian- ney a human being- I was only doing living out the kind of compassion we all should feel for one another. But I tell that tale because it's a heart warming memory.

The second memory I'd like to share- I can't remember if I've told this tale before, but even if I did, it bares repeating. It was during the winter Olympics, I think. Maybe 2006 in Italy. But no, I thought it was much earlier than that. But anyway, my mom and I were laying on her bed watching it and I was flipping through a magazine and there was this strange ad in the magazine with just a picture of a faucet and I asked her "What is this? A faucet?" Ok, cue the Twilight Zone music. Just then the Olympic Commentator- maybe Brian Williams? He was, like, caught off guard by the camera because he was still talking to someone off screen and- get this- he said "Yes, that's what it is. A faucet." I swear!!! My mom and I were floored. I wouldn't even believe the memory except my mom witnessed it too!! For days afterward we were like "Did you hear that too?" And we both kept saying to each other "Yes! I heard it too. It really happened".

***

I came back to add three more stories I remembered. They're like the first except I was on the receiving end of the blessing. The first is when Timmy first went to jail. It was one of the very first few days and I was walking downtown with my baby in the carriage. My life was crumbling all around me. I had no idea how I'd face the future. And then a bum (sorry. Is there a PC term?) yelled to me from across the street, "God loves you!". Tears came to my eyes. They were the words I needed to hear most at that lowly hour of my life.

The second memory was several years into the jail sentence. I'm a struggling single mom. I've got no money. No time, because I work and I'm trying to raise two children. It's my birthday, but there's nobody to wish me a happy birthday. I'm tired and hungry. So I splurge on a pizza- something I never buy and can't really afford anyway. It's a little mom-and-pop pizza shop. The owner barely speaks English. Greek or Portuguese or something. When the pizza is done he hands it to me and says it's free. I hadn't said a word the whole time. He had no idea my circumstances. All I know was that he blessed me more than he'll ever know.

The third memory was when we were homeless and -you know how the day before payday there's nothing left? nothing. So it was that day. As usual, we'd pull it off. But I had nothing to pack for my husband for lunch the next day at work. If only I had a few dollars so he could buy a decent lunch! We had a box of donated food put together for homeless people. Ours was put together by a sweet little girl and her Grandpa. I scraped out the last bit of food from the box and went to throw it out. And there, on the bottom, was this envelope and in it was $10!!! Just enough for lunch for my husband the next day. I was soooo blessed. I'm so grateful to that little girl. She probably gave us money from her own piggy bank.

It's beautiful and inspiring when humanity pulls together for each other. I know those three people who blessed me had no idea how much it meant to me. No idea. Let it be an inspiration, that the littlest things can mean so much.

Healthcare for all

2010-03-26T17:08:00.002-05:00

I know the country is heatedly divided on this right now, on the heels of our newly signed healthcare bill. I don't want to rub it in the faces of those who disagree [are misinformed? :) ] But I would be remiss to not touch on the subject in my personal blog since this is one of the subjects I am MOST passionate about in life. I am praising Jesus for this historic accomplishment. In my joy I made a big poster with balloons that says "healthcare for all" and hung it out my window. Here is a beautiful video celebrating all the people, like myself, who put in countless hours fighting the big insurance companies for healthcare for our friends, loved ones, children and our children's children.

MoveOn Health Care Campaign 09-10 from MoveOn.org Official Channel on Vimeo.

My guilty pleasure

2010-03-25T10:07:00.003-05:00

Now that we have Direct TV I can record shows and, like Tivo, pause and rewind. I luv it! I never used to be able to watch TV because I don't have time to sit down at a specific time and watch. But now, if I ever get a minute I can just turn on one of my favorites. My favorites being: The Colbert Report, Hoarders and (my guilty pleasure:) The Maury Show. "You are NOT the father". I love that stuff.

The curitive power of breastmilk

2010-03-21T09:09:00.003-05:00

I read in the book Celiac Disease: A Hidden Epidemic this interesting quote about breastfeeding.

"[Breastfeeding] appears to have a protective effect and is believed to play a part in the time of onset of Celiac disease. Fewer breastfed children develop Celiac disease and when they do it's at a later age... The mechanism of the protective effect of breast-feeding is unclear. However, breast milk is known to have a variety of antibodies and immunoglobins that confer immunity on children until they can make enough of their own. Breast milk appears to provide some immunity against Celiac disease or its severe form."

I have experienced this very phenomenon with my own son. I breastfed Wolfie until he was 4 1/2 (sorry, honey, for outing you publicly) When he was 8 his Celiac symptoms became deadly serious, causing him to double over in excruciating pain, crying. Over the previous years it had grown gradually and gradually worse. I have no doubt in my mind that he was protected for the first 4 1/2 years by breast milk and once weaned his body began to reject gluten progressively.

I was thinking that on the rare occasion when he has a "wheat attack" (that's our nickname for it), because he accidentally ingests wheat (usually we don't even know where or what)- and he is suffering miserably, and his intestines are being damaged; perhaps I could treat it with some breast milk. Like add it to some ice-cream or something. Currently, we treat it with pepto-bismal and benedryl. Our own personal concoction (OK. not really a concoction. We don't mix them). It's no cure though.

In my crunchy circles, the healing powers of breast milk is not news. They use it to treat conjunctivitis and they express it for friends with cancer. Currently doctors prescribe breast milk for premature/sick babies whose mothers can't breastfeed. But I was thinking that doctors should start prescribing it for adults who could benefit from it too. Namely, those with conjunctivitis, Celiac disease, and cancer. Sure, the demand would go up and burden the already strained milk bank, but that could easily be remedied by paying women for their breast milk. I believe right now this is not allowed because of moral reasons, but, I'm sorry, I see no moral reasons not to pay for it. I guess it's the same argument used against paying for blood or organs. I can (sort of) see the reasons behind that: the poor would donate disproportionally. But in the case of breastmilk (and blood) that is nothing that a good diet and vitamins can't compensate for. (With breast milk having the added benefits of maternal cancer prevention). Plus, it addresses my pet peeve that in our society women are prohibited from working with their babies (with rare exceptions); whereas, throughout history, women have been able to contribute to their family's income and society while childbearing. (Thus forcing women today to greatly limit childbearing, and encourage exclusion from society at a time when they need the most support/interaction).

Bragging on my kids

2010-03-16T14:12:00.004-05:00

Saphira is turning two next week and this girl is totally fluent in English!!! She can communicate pretty much anything she wants to say. For instance, today, I was making grilled cheese sandwiches on the stove and while I was checking my email she came over to me and said "Sandwich done". (!!!!!!) Also, annoyingly, she keeps calling me by my first name. No matter how much we correct her.

Dimitri is obsessed with skateboarding. This is the second year in a row so it's no passing phase. I take him to the skateboarding park whenever it's nice out and he is amazing. He can go down ramps and he almost has an olie. He's only five!!! I love how he found this passion all on his own. His brothers aren't into it. That shows me that's it's really deep down him. I can't say that this phase will last into adolescence. But if it does, he could possibly go professional.

Wolfie made some awesome gluten free muffins the other day. He sprinkled sugar on top and they were irresistible.

Brandon is going to be a teenager in two weeks!!!! I'm going to have a teenager!!! This is so exciting.

roflol

2010-03-15T20:10:00.003-05:00

I almost peed my pants watching this video. I mean, I love my Asian peeps, so no offense. But we can laugh at ourselves too. Also, you have to wonder, what possessed him to buy studio time to record the song.

A survey

2010-03-15T06:28:00.000-05:00

I wrote a survey for my Community Nursing paper. If you would participate I would appreciate it. It will only take a minute. Here's the link.

my niece and son

2010-03-14T11:06:00.003-05:00

My niece came over last night. She and Dimitri (the same age) had a blast. They totally trashed the house. But I didn't mind because I was just being lazy, sitting around reading My Life Outside the Ring, by Hulk Hogan. It's fascinating. They colored and played with cars and online games. Malyna found this little packet of math games Dimitri brought home from school and we played for an long time. My sister in law gave us money for a pizza so we ordered online and Dominos has this cool display that shows what is happening to your pizza. Like "Jahara is prepping your pizza" and "Jahara is cooking your pizza" and at the end "Kevin is delivering your pizza". Every few minutes the kids checked on the status. And when Kevin delivered the pizza I gave him a dollar for Jahara too. :)

In regards to the Hulk Hogan book: It is a tragic, tragic tale of the destruction of a beautiful, long marriage. And what makes it so awful is that I'm 100% convinced it is rooted in Linda's undiagnosed bipolar. I mean, it's clear as night and day from the descriptions of her behavior. If she had been diagnosed ten years ago the marriage could have been saved!!! She could have gotten treatment. And Terry (the Hulk) could have been more understanding and less hurt by her behavior. But as it is, I believe it is irreparable. Terry has moved on and has a new love, of two years, in his life. Who knows though.

Public School Kudos

2010-03-12T09:20:00.004-05:00

After the last post about my opinions on Standardized Testing, in which I made the comment that I don't agree with the Public School [teaching/learning] paradigm at all, I wanted to follow up with this kudos post. I want every one to know that I fully support public school. Heck, I send some of my kids to public school. (Maybe next year, all). I may think there is a better way. I disagree. And sometimes that's difficult- like I'm not big on making my kids in younger grades do their homework- a big pet peeve of mine- and when Wolfie was in 3rd grade he got in trouble for that. But, back to the point, there are wonderful things about public school and I wanted to highlight one of them.

Last night Brandon had International Night, in which all the 7th graders did a report on an ancient civilization, in groups of three. They all had a beautiful homemade poster, a clay model and- this was the best part- a 2-5 minute memorized presentation. It started with "Hi, my name is _______ and I will be talking about the government..." -for example. Or in Brandon's case the weapons of ancient Japan. Brandon told me that if someone asked a question that they didn't know the answer to they were supposed to say they would look it up and get back to them. I'm sure that didn't happen, but the fact that they were taught how to act really professionally impressed me. Their teacher, Ms. Waugh, as you can imagine, is really amazing. She always say stuff like "I hate kids" but everyone can tell that she loves them. I sat in on one of her classes once and she was really consistent about discipline, totally on top of her game.

Most of the kids did a great job. One I couldn't understand at all. He spoke really softly and Brandon told me he doesn't speak English well. One of the kids was uh-may-zing. Looked me in the eye. Spoke loud and clear. He would make a great politician. A girl in Brandon's group was a freakin genius. Her memorized speech was really really long - all about Japanese geographyand she drew these amazing pictures for the poster-board. Did you know that Japan comprises of over 3000 islands? I didn't know that.

Brandon was excited about the night. I know it was a big deal to him. The kids learned so much. About ancient civilization. About putting together a full report. About public speaking. It was awesome and I know the kids are better for it.

The memories that are so good they hurt

2010-03-11T12:03:00.003-05:00

My brother's moving into the apartment complex I used to live in. The same building in fact. We're helping him move in and the memories it's bringing back are so vivid. I miss the old times so much it hurts. The last time I felt like this was when I was a child and we moved out of state, from Massachusetts to New York, and then again from New York to Massachusetts.

The thing that was so wonderful at this apartment complex was all my close friends. Two of my best friends lived there. Single moms like me. Our kids played together. We walked around the circle together for exercise. We babysat for each other. We had meals together. We hung out at the pool together. We showed up randomly at each other's apartment and hung out, listening to music, reading books, just talking. And at night we would talk on the phone! God, I miss those days!

My son was so happy there. The apartment complex was a community set apart from the rest of the neighborhood/world, so I felt comfortable letting my young son wonder the neighborhood. He had so many close, close friends. They played together non-stop. They played make-believe games constantly. They explored the woods. Just like the childhood a kid is supposed to have.

When I visited the neighborhood and passed the apartments that our close friends used to live in it was painful; I missed them so much. Some we keep in touch with. Some we don't. But regardless, it's not the same. I know I'm looking back through rose colored glasses. I know it was so hard at the time. I was a single mom. At the same time, it was a special time, just me and Brandon and baby Wolfie. Us against the world.

When we moved everything was starting to change. A lot of our friends had moved out. The neighborhood, it seemed, was starting to go downhill. I was dying to get out of there. So, even though I wish I were back, I know it wouldn't be the same. (Although, with my brother, sister in law and niece or nephew it might be pretty close)

I hope I can remember the current times with the same painful happiness. I feel like I understand what an elderly person in a nursing home must feel. Its a sad, cold, hard feeling. I, at least, have family and friends now whom I love and enjoy. But the older folks are often so lonely. When I get old I want to live with my kids til the day I die. The way I raise them, this isn't the burden that maybe you imagine it is, as you read this. In my family we all care for each other. I want to live side by side even after they get married. I want to watch my grand-kids while their parents work. I want to eat together. It would be a natural progressiong for them to care for me as I age, just like I want to care for my parents when they age.

I have digressed (severely) from the topic of this post. Forgive me. But I guess the lesson is just how important relationships are and how blessed we are to have them.

US Sitting on Mother Lode....

2010-03-10T09:54:00.003-05:00

I saw this article online yesterday. It says that we're sitting on rare metals crucial to technology. Stuff that is almost a necessity, in this day and age, and the earth is quickly running out of. It says

"the U.S. holds rare earth ore reserves of up to 13 million metric tons. By contrast, the entire world produced just 124,000 metric tons in 2009"

Wow! That's amazing!! What good news for our country! But we must be very careful to avoid "Dutch Disease" which happens when a valuable natural resource is found. When this happens there can be a manufacturing decrease, there is inflation and we become unstable with price fluctuation of said commodity. The way to prevent Dutch Disease is to control a steady influx of income, maintain a budget surplus and invest in the future, like education of youth and bla bla bla. If you want to read all the boring details here's a link.

In Africa there is a supply of tech-metals that is fueling wars and terror and cruelty. Just like the blood diamonds. It's so frustrating to watch. They have this incredible poverty. And they have these incredible resources that could help lift them out of poverty, but then the corruption turns into a hugely negative thing!! And as a responsible human being you shouldn't buy these items in good conscience. Yet, if we could buy these things- without the corruption- it would be a wonderful contribution to lesson suffering. What a tragedy.

While I'm on the subject of blood diamonds: kudos to my friend Ruth, whose engagement ring is NOT a diamond, being the sensitive and brilliant woman she is (and her husband, Chester).

Also, what was up with Oprah giving diamond earrings out at The Legends Ball- where she gathered 25 amazing black women to celebrate their accomplishments?!

Another thought on Standardized Testing

2010-03-09T09:46:00.010-05:00

I was thinking about standardized testing again. (I'm not sure why. I guess the wheels in my brain are just always turning). If you recall, I wrote a post about this subject several months ago, in which I made an argument for a much shorter test (the one here in Massachusetts takes weeks to complete). The argument being that there should be a basic standard that all kids should be able to meet. No excuses. Which is really the point of standardized testing. To ensure a minimum standard for all kids. The range of academic achievement could still be measured through optional tests that could be used by communities and parents to judge their schools. But the state mandates would only address the requirement that all students pass the minimum standards.

OK, but on to my new idea.

One of my frustration with the public school paradigm (which, I'll be honest, I completely disagree with. But I guess that goes without saying, since I'm an unschooler) is that there are eight forms of intelligence and public school only measures two of them (but teaches five, if gym, music and art aren't slashed in budget cuts). As the Japanese have discovered, there is more to success than just book-smarts. Individually, our society, and the world, in fact, doesn't succeed because everyone is mediocre at everything. We achieve great success when there is a basic standard for all and then each person achieves greatness in their own personal strengths. Whether that is musical genius or animal husbandry, athletic achievements, or computer software programing. So I was thinking that on top of the basic standards measured in the previous post, there could be another type of measurement for exceptional talent. Where children from all schools could compete in national competitions -ones that already exist- like spelling bees and 4H club livestock competitions, geography bowls, engineering design competitions, etc. And the placement of exceptional student work could be rated and compared. This, of course, would put the poorer schools at a disadvantage- at least at first- because the richer parents are already supplementing their kids education with these extra curricular activities. But perhaps, therein lies the crux of the disadvantage that poor schools are facing. Perhaps THAT is the difference between the successful rich schools and the unsuccessful poor schools. Perhaps, if the underachieving students are given a chance to shine in their own perspective gifts, it will open up a side of them that can be more open to success in all aspects of their life. Of course the poor schools will have difficulty funding these sorts of endeavors. But perhaps that's exactly what we need to shine a light on the glaring problem of inequality of funding. Perhaps the current system is masking the true differences between the school funding. There are certain standards of funding equality that must be met between all public schools. And certainly there are scaled down ways of achieving these goals for the poorer schools. For instance, teams of students often compete in technology competitions. So separating the "gifts" into several teams is still an improvement over none at all. And the children who can pursue on their own, their own special gifts, could be given a rearranged schedule to allow for practice.

I came back to edit this post- to add to it - the thought that pushing kids to pursue heavily hobbies they'd just like to try or dabble in, would be detrimental. So, even though I think this would be an improvement, it's no solution. I guess the best solution is to make the laws more homeschooling friendly and make our society more homeschooling friendly. :)

Voluntary Madness

2010-03-05T10:39:00.004-05:00

I just read this book "Voluntary Madness" by Norah Vincent. She's a great writer, and as a wanna be psychiatric nurse practitioner I find the subject matter interesting. It's about her experience in mental illness wards- partly as a writing experiment when she was healthy, and partly as treatment for the very real bipolar depression she experienced.

I vehemently disagree with her disdain towards medication, and for that reason I hesitate to recommend it. It is two steps backwards in the battle for mental illness treatment and understanding. I agree with her repugnance towards pharmaceutical companies and frustration with the side effects and the scientist's lack of full-understanding of the medications, but none of those are a reason to deny the advances we've made toward mental illness treatment.

That aside, there are gems in the book; some of which I'll quote here:

Moral vanity being that great middle-class indulgence that makes us write checks to charities and do the right thing for the less fortunate, because doing so reinforces our fiercely guarded belief that we are good people. But when the less fortunate come banging on your door and your heart in real time, up close, blowing their not so fresh breath in your face, wanting to be a person instead of a project or a write-off, then your cherished little antibacterial ideals turn all squeamish and stuttery, saying "well, but,..." "Yeah, but,..." and finally showing themselves outright to be as vaporous and self-serving as they always were.

How can we treat [the brain] the way we treat, for example, a kidney? There is the brain, whose business is thought and feeling and judgment and even mystical experience. And then there is the kidney, whose business is piss.

When you're not depressed, it's really hard to remember exactly what it felt like when you were depressed. You can remember it as an idea. You can describe it analytically. You know you felt terrible, and you know you don't want to feel that way again. But you don't remember the details, the quality of the suffering.

I was grateful St. Luke's didn't use wristbands. To patients they are indicative of anonymity and neglect, and the doctors who own St. Luke's seemed keyed into that, or so I imagine, understanding on some level that being tagged is a gross insult to your dignity. It makes you feel like property, or a corpse, a body not a person, the implications of the tag-maybe the need for it- being that if you passed out in the hall they'd know who the hell you were.

She knew enough about the course of her condition to know when she was losing touch with reality, and she had a very helpful circle of psychotic friends with whom she had what she called regular "reality checks." This meant that, because their delusions were all different, she could call one of them and say, "I think the CIA is watching me," and they'd be able to set her straight, confirming that, in fact, no, no one was lurking in the bushes outside her house or listening to her phone calls. Similarly, when they called her to ask if aliens were landing in the park down the street or check whether the computer chip in their molar was actually picking up signals from police radios, she could assure them that they were, in all likelihood, mistaken..."I was sitting in one of those meetings and I said, 'Am I God?' and everyone shouted "Nooooo". Now there's a reality check for you."

[Laughing is] like the happy version of vomiting, or the less profane version of coming, depending on your point of view.

My brother's wedding!

2010-02-28T13:30:00.007-05:00

My lil bro, Dave, got married yesterday, to Jackie. I'm so happy for them. I love her.

It was a big event. The stress of it all sent me into a swift bipolar cycle. Manic the first half of the day, depressed the second half of the day. It's fascinating to observe it, from a neutral standpoint. Actually, it helps me a lot, to know, logically, that these emotions aren't driven from the circumstances- as it feels- but rather- from my brain chemistry. All morning, I ran around the house like a mad woman, getting everyone ready. There was so much to do. During the depressive phase I cried twice. Once, when Jackie was walking down the isle and I was so touched that even though her father isn't alive, her brother was walking her down the isle. And the second time was at the reception out of frustration as I was pretty much set up to fail as a DJ. The background on this is that I've got years of experience DJing bar mitzvahs. My Dad got this awesome ipod professional mixer and I picked about 300 songs for me to play from. And my brother wanted us to play about 80 of his favorites. So it was supposed to be all set. But the second ipod didn't have my songs programmed on it!!!! I don't know if it was somehow overlooked in all the pre-wedding madness or if I was intentionally sabotaged because my brother only wanted me to play "his songs". I don't even want to know. But the result was that I couldn't play anyone's requests. I couldn't even play anything appropriate, which meant I looked like an idiot DJ. The second ipod had the most random stuff on it but when you DJ you need to go back and forth so I was pulling my hair out trying to find something appropriate to go to every other song. And there was no headset, which means you're basically going into it blindfolded. You can't tell how the beats are going to mix. And that's if you're lucky and know what the song sounds like. I didn't know how to cue the songs or light up the screen to see the song countdown- that part I'll take the blame for- I should have familiarized myself with the equipment. It was a nightmare. I finally broke down and walked away and just let my husband take over.

The rest of the wedding was nice though. My (other) sister in law- Jen made the wedding cake and oh my gosh, you would never know it wasn't professional. It was absolutely amazing.

I bought two edible arrangements, which is my guilty pleasure. I absolutely love those things but they are soooo expensive. My brother's wedding was a great excuse to splurge on them. They went incredibly fast. I didn't even get a chance to really admire them. When I looked up they were picked over. But I'm really happy they were enjoyed. That made it worth it.

The day before the wedding I was picking out a new pair of shoes. As I perused the isles, I, of course, thought of my philosophy that high heels are a form of oppression on women and I debated whether it would be hypocritical of me to get a (short) high heel because I did want to look very pretty. And I tried it on and decided that as long as it was decently comfortable, it would not compromise my morals much.

Weeelll, what I didn't realize was that a seven second walk on carpeting does NOT even REMOTELY equivocate seven hours of walking on hardwood floor. My feet were killing me. I have blisters on my toes. The balls of my feet hurt. And I couldn't walk any faster than a snails pace. It was awful! My impassioned belief in the evils of high heels have been renewed and as I drifted off to sleep last night and woke this morning I was designing in my head comfortable beautiful shoes for women. It can't be that hard to come up with!!!!

Book Review

2010-02-25T07:40:00.004-05:00

I just read another great book Called "Scared Silent: When the one you love becomes the one you fear" by Mildred Muhammad. This is the story of the wife of the DC sniper. Remember him? Did you know that whole attack was domestic violence motivated? He was going to kill his wife and then get away with it because it would be blamed on the mysterious sniper. This is a great book in describing how a woman becomes a victim of domestic violence. I also feel like I got to know Mildred well, as a human being. I have a lot of sympathy for her and I feel like we would make good friends. If she lived near me I would hang out with her.

If I were a 7th grade health teacher

2010-02-23T15:46:00.006-05:00

I'll have a bachelors degree by this December. All I'd need after that is to pass the teacher's exam and I could teach here in Massachusetts. Sometimes I fantasize about teaching 7th grade health class. I have it all mapped out what I'd do...
On the first day I'd give this inspiring speech that would include the lines:

"If I inspire one of you to become a health professional when you grow up, I will have done my job.
If I inspire one of you to breastfeed your child (or support your partner in doing so) than I will have done my job.
If I teach just one of you the memorization techniques to help you succeed in school, than I will have done my job
If I have inspired one of you to read non-fiction books on a regular basis, than I will have done my job".

I would also say that there is no reason that everyone can't get an A in my class. There is nothing I won't test them on that I won't first teach thoroughly. And there will be very little homework- just one or two projects throughout the year.

For discipline I would give them two warnings and then a detention. And be very consistent.

For classroom set up I'd position the desks in a circle to be conducive to discussion. Sometimes I'd change it up just to keep it interesting: a standard grid. Squares of four all facing each other.

Posters on the wall with informative messages about subjects like getting tested for the sickle sell anemia carrier trait (unless I'm in a white-suburb school), and the benefits of breastfeeding, etc.

Every Monday we would learn a new list of vocabulary. We'd spend the whole class coming up with associations for every word so that everyone learns how to memorize and everyone walks out of class prepared for the quiz on Friday. We'll learn things like the names of all the bones and muscles in the body.

Every Wednesday will be a free reading day. You walk in silently and pick up your book and begin reading to yourself. I'll have a sign in sheet where you write what book you're reading and what page you are on. Maybe I'll have bean bags set up for that day. I'll have a huge collection of interesting books related to health and body for them to choose from. See list at bottom.
On these reading days I will take aside five or six students- one at a time and talk to them about their life just to get to know them better, no ulterior motive. I thought, for their privacy, and so we don't disturb the reading students, we could sit side by side on the computer and IM each other. They could practice their writing and typing skills that way too. Plus, maybe for shy kids it would be a good way to coax them out of their shell.

Friday we'll have a quiz on the vocabulary we learned on Monday. One of the quizes I am most excited about is "name that microbe" in which I buy all these little stuffed animals in the shape of cells and you have to name them. How cute is that?! There would, of course, be midterm and final exam recaps of all the vocabulary words.

Once a week we'd discuss health stories in the news. STD rates or gay right legislation or a new medical breakthrough or the ethics of cloning- whatever comes up.

If there is a texbookt that is well written that I'd like to cover I would photocopy it for the kids, read it aloud in class and have them highlight the important stuff. Then they'll each read one highlighted section aloud to the class and there would be a quiz on it the next day. Then all papers would be turned in for my "scrap paper" pile. Teaching recycling too.

Another skill that I think is uber important and undertaught is the ability to cook nutritious, dirt-cheap meals. So, in my class, each day, one student will cook a small pot of rice (on a plugged in, single burner) and beans. And then it will be available for anyone to eat during class.

Some of the many, many books I'd have on my bookshelves for their free choice reading Wednesdays:

Cure Tooth Decay: Heal and Prevent Cavities with Nutrition

Last Dance by Lurlene McDaniel

The State of Haiti

2010-02-20T15:41:00.005-05:00

My dear friend, Djougine, went back to her home country of Haiti to visit family, bring help, and record the wreckage. Here are some of the pictures she took.

She said this is the living conditions of most people in Port au Prince.
I thought this was beautiful. A scene of beauty and serenity in a country of so much pain and destruction.
I like how this one shows that even if you still have a house, the structural integrity is just ruined. No one is unscathed on this island.

This is the best picture of them all. These people aren't in line for a hand out. They are in line to give their tithes and offerings at church. Praise God!!

News Stories You Might Not Read

2010-02-18T09:17:00.003-05:00

I'm following two important news stories that won't get much coverage.

Mass Deportation
The first is a policy in Thailand that is set to take affect February 28th which will result in the deportation of potentially thousands of Cambodians, Laos, and Myanmars. The Thai cabinet passed a resolution that would extend work permits of migrants for two years, provided they submit biographical information to their home government. On it's face, this seems somewhat reasonable, but the result- a mass deportation of impoverished people, back to unstable countries- is inhumane and will cause uncountable hardships. I will be watching this. It's the sort of situation that makes me sad that I am not yet rich, because, if this goes through, there will need to be some serious safety nets in place to prevent considerable human suffering.

Faked Research
As a medical scientist, this absolutely infuriates me. This dude fabricated research in some or all of the 21 articles published since 1996. Pfizer is behind this. Which doesn't surprise me. If you recall, I made a list of the four most evil corporations back in October of last year and Pfizer was number 2. This guy could get ten years in jail for this. A part of me thinks that isn't nearly enough. But another part of me thinks that I am displacing my anger against the whole industry onto this one man. The way the pharmaceutical industry is influencing healthcare in this country (world?) is immoral. It is the same problem as corporation influence in politics. I'm not sure which is worse. (Maybe it is equal).

In a related story, the Lancet withdrew the research paper that started the whole autism/vaccine link controversy.

Immigrants: the final frontier of prejudice

2010-02-16T09:13:00.002-05:00

I am passionate about having mercy on immigrants. It always seemed quite strange to me that Christians can be so cruel and prideful about immigrant policies. They even use the same lines to justify their xenophobia that they do to justify their homophobia. "I have nothing against immigrants. I have immigrant friends. I love them as a person. I just want them to follow the rule of law". Bull shit. The rule of law is unmerciful. I am not claiming to know the "perfect policy" in regards to balancing the needs of current citizens and the desperate needs of immigrants. Certainly, I don't expect my society to conform to Christian standards. But I myself, DO conform to Christian standards. And my God asks me to put my life on the line for others. And to give them my coat as well, if they ask for my shirt.

Congress is working on a bill introduced by Senator Luis Gutierrez (D-Ill.) - HR4321. (Can't forget that number!) You can read the summary here. It is fair. It makes positive changes in our immigration law. I am pleased with it. Recently, in my state, a bill was defeated that was proposed to give illegal immigrant children in-state tuition rates. But this federal law change would require it. Yeay. As well as many many other modifications. Most of them small changes- increases in numbers of green cards, that sort of thing. I love the last line that says that money should be provided to have larger swearing-in ceremonies on the Fourth of July. That's great.

I am copying a letter to the editor in the Philedelphia Daily News. It was beautifully written and I agree 100%

I'm writing to clarify the significance of what happened and to address the long-standing misconception of the immigrant community and immigration reform.
Attendees including Indonesian-, Cambodian- and Latino-Americans encouraged support of HR 4321. Testimony came from people who have been living in South Philly for more than 25 years, a pastor, owners of businesses and homes, and people who work more than one job.
Most important, all of these people have been contributing members of their South Philly communities. They all support and love their family, friends and neighbors.
The only difference is that these folks were not born here. Under current immigration legislation. . .
* A woman is facing permanent separation from her son. She has been living and managing a business in South Philly with her family for more than two decades. Her son, who came here as a refugee with his family, may be deported for an offense he served time for more than a decade ago. * A man who came to the U.S. legally hasn't seen his children or wife for years due to the backlogging of their immigration papers.
* A young and hardworking man who is providing for his family silently accepts great risks. He is vulnerable to violence due to racism and misunderstanding but cannot call the police. He knows that contact with police could lead to deportation, and then instability and poverty for his family.
Immigration reform is about far more than jobs and legalization. It is about family, humanity and giving people the validity they deserve. Jobs provide food and shelter to family and children. Legalization acknowledges the rights and the hard work of our neighbors.
HR 4321 offers family unity, not family separation due to old and outdated laws that need to be changed.
Mia-lia Kiernan, Philadelphia

The Glass Castle

2010-02-13T09:10:00.007-05:00

This book is uh-mazing. Every page makes my eyes bug out or jaw drop or laugh out loud. The irony of this post next to the previous one is not lost on me. The extreme opposite of yesterdays rant. The stuff that would make parents now a days skin crawl. The girl's parents in this memoir are... how to describe it? Neglectful, chaotic, brilliant, and in their own demented way loving. These people are a gold mine of psychiatric diagnoses: bipolar, RAD, substance abuse, childhood trauma, hoarding, AsPD, possibly ADD; all rolled up into one. Or in this case, two. At the same time brilliant and creative- which absolutely goes hand in hand with mental illness. I love the testament to unschooling. The kids are so smart and educated with the spottiest of public school education.

The first half of the book I enjoyed the tales of craziness. But by the end I was left quite disturbed and angry. Maybe the earlier memories were cemented more romantically in the head of an innocent young girl, but as she grew up, she saw her life for what it was. Or maybe life really did just get worse. It's hard to say.

I love how she records a college classroom conversation in which she theorizes on some homeless people's motivation. The professor got indignant and asked her, rudely, how she would know. And at the time she didn't want to discuss her past, so she said "point taken". But in the end, she had the ultimate comeback. The truth is out, professor. Now who's the expert on homelessness and who's the rude judgmental professor?

No matter how it left me, I highly recommend this book. I'm going to start reading it to Brandon tonight.

Thank you, Beth, for giving me the book!

Child Psychology on: Play

2010-02-10T08:10:00.005-05:00

One of my pet peeves is the obsession with "child obesity" coupled with the blindness to the cause. You should see all the ads on the kids channels with the message of "get out and play". The root cause, let me tell you, is this societal obsession with protecting children. The fear of strangers. The fear of injury. (And in turn, even if you don't fear all those things, the fear of social services if you don't conform to societal norms). Children cannot play outside freely, unsupervised anymore! When I was in kindergarten I used to walk home without a grown up. Now, that isn't even an option.

I'll go even deeper into this. I know not only the cause. I also know the cause of the cause! The reason society has become so obsessed is that the population rate is in decline! Sure, the immigrants are keeping it above replacement level, but in the white suburbs- especially here in the Northeast, we are definitely below replacement level. And when that happens we become more protective of the next generation. Fewer eggs in our baskets. More to lose if something happens to them. God intended us to have about seven kids. (Given the years of fertility each woman has). When we fall away from God's plan we reap the rewards. One of which is... in a strange turn of events... child obesity.

Makes me want to move to a rural area and let my children run free. But I love the city. So that's not really an option. Right now anyway.

I found a psychology web site that is in tune with the needs and problems of this generation. It emphasizes free play and unschooling type ideas. Thumbs up to Peter Gray, the Boston College Professor for getting this right.

Two days after writing this I saw the headline that Michelle Obama has chosen childhood obesity as her pet project. I'm actually quite happy about that. It's not the topic that makes me role my eyes, it's the ineffective methods of fighting it. I like her goals though:

improved school nutrition
better labeling of high-calorie foods and drinks
support for farmers’ markets
a coordinated education campaign to help moms and dads instill good eating habits

More power to her! I would love to see a massive campaign to get kids to drink water instead of milk and juice. I think that could make a huge difference. Too bad that's not on her list. That's too controversial though. The dairy industry would throw a massive fit. And WIC would have to be turned on it's head. Too much trouble. But if she wanted to make a real difference, that's what I recommend. :)

2010-02-09T16:38:00.001-05:00

What would Scooby Do?

mystery solved. ER rant

2010-02-04T10:03:00.007-05:00

Eight years ago I called 911 because of severe flu like symptoms. What happened next was a nightmare because the EMT's just blew off my symptoms, really treated me like I was acting like a baby- and then because my house was a mess took my babies. (It was a mess because I was a single mom who had been sick for three days!!!!!) It was totally illegal. They were supposed to call social workers. And, by the way, the social workers immediately gave me back my kids and told me I should sue!!!

At the hospital, I was also treated with disdain, because they assumed I was some sort of neglectful mother. It was awful. I literally fought with them to give me a drug test because I wanted to prove, in case it was ever suspected, that I was NOT on drugs, I was genuinely sick.

Anyway, one of the mysteries from that visit, is that during the time that I spent alone in the little ER room, I had a spell of severe restlessness. I just couldn't get comfortable! It was awful. Much worse than it sounds. It was like a severe pain- only not actual pain, if that makes sense. I never knew what was wrong. And the nurses never checked on me so they had no idea.

In my nursing class right now (I'm working on my bachelors) we are talking about trauma and one of the symptoms of hypoxia (low oxygen to the brain) is restlessness! Mystery solved! I was hypoxic. Now why I was hypoxic is still a bit of a mystery. I could have been dehydrated. Or maybe my blood sugar dropped dangerously low. Or experiencing acidosis. I don't know. Whatever it was, my body corrected it in about a half hour. If I was dehydrated, I don't know, maybe it squeezed some water out of my urine, or something? If I was hypoglycemic, maybe my liver or muscles released some glucose. If I was acidic, my kidneys produced bicarbonate. Could it have been septic shock? I doubt my body could have overcome that in such a short period.

Very weird.

But, once again, I am pissed that the ER failed me. If the nurses were doing their job monitoring me they could have diagnosed me and treated me.

One of the other times the ER failed me was when I went to the ER with a severe breast infection and they sent me home telling me I "had the flu". grrrrrr. That was a doctor fail. Not a nurse fail.

For the record: I know it's called the "Emergency Department" but I still use the term ER because that's what the public knows it as.

Save some money on Valentines Day

2010-02-01T20:47:00.005-05:00

I have done you all a favor by creating Valentines Day Cards for you to print and give to your friends, thus saving you money.

Inside: The Cullens would like to invite you to a delicious red Valentines Day party. Please shower before you come.

Front: Jacob has a Valentine's Day message just for you
Inside: I love ayooooooooooh!

Front: Who got Bella the better Valentines Day present, Jacob or Edward?
Inside: Edward. He read her mind and got her what she was hoping for.

Inside: Happy Bellatines Day!

Alternative Inside: Swan to be my Valentine?

2010-02-01T18:57:00.000-05:00

Hot blonde gives sexy massage to black guy

cute story about Dimitri

2010-02-01T12:04:00.003-05:00

The other day, Dimitri (five years old) had ten, one dollar bills saved up. I was going through my wallet and there was a ten dollar bill. He commented that he never had a ten dollar bill before. I said we could trade. He thought long and hard about it. He really struggled with the decision and then finally decided that he would make the trade. I gave him the ten and he gave me a one. And I said he had to give me all ten of his dollars. He was flabbergasted: "no way!" and called off the deal. It was so funny how he was so undecided about trading a ONE dollar bill for a ten.

Let's walk down memory lane: embarrasing moments from my past

2010-01-29T12:31:00.003-05:00

When I was a freshman in highschool I was a cheerleader. At the pep-rally, in front of the whole school I ran out with the cheerleaders, did a round-off and fell flat on my butt. I've done probably 100,000 round-offs in my life but that's the only time I've ever fallen. Maybe the adrenaline made me take off at a different angle or something.

When I was a Sophmore, my family had moved so I was a new kid in school and didn't have any friends but I was trying to be friendly so I went to the big Thanksgiving football game and drew the school initials on my cheeks in lipstick. When I got home I realized that it was written in reverse because I drew it looking in the mirror. Nobody had said anything!!! Maybe they were just being polite. But I think they were just stuck up. I hated that school.

OK. I saved this for last because this one's the best. In fourth grade we moved from Michigan to Massachusetts. In Michigan I was one of the smartest in the class. In Massachusetts I struggled academically. One day I was tired of sitting there not knowing the answers. "When are they going to ask what the five great lakes are??" I thought to myself. "I know what the five great lakes are!" I got tired of waiting. So finally one day I raised my hand, randomly, and said that "I know what the five great lakes are". The teacher, kindly asked me what the five great lakes were. And this is the best part... I could only remember four of them!!!!!!!!!! The teacher asked if anyone knew the fifth. A boy raised his hand. To this day I still remember the one I missed: Lake Erie.

2010-01-27T13:04:00.002-05:00

Dancing Inmates - Michael Jackson's This Is It @ Yahoo! Video

s This Is It @ Yahoo! Video

Here's a great video.

Filipino, Philippines "Dancing Inmates" from Cebu Provincial Detention and Rehabilitation Center (CPDRC), a maximum security prison, were treated to a visit by Michael Jacksons long-time choreographer Travis Payne and dancers

They must have visited them because of those videos the inmates created first. I think it was to "Thriller". Then, when it became popular on Youtube they did other songs too. I love the lyrics "they don't care about us" because isn't that the truth? Inmates in a third world country. There's probably no other more forgotten group.

I also, never fail, to get the chills, whenever the MLK jr. speech is played.

Funny ad

2010-01-25T18:40:00.001-05:00

I saw the funniest print ad. It was for a Kodak printer. It said "Saves money. Prints everything else." lol. Think about that one for a minute. FTR, don't buy the product, it got horrible reviews.

This woman is underpaid

2010-01-21T10:44:00.003-05:00

I went to a story hour for toddlers at my local library. It was uh-mazing. This woman had it coordinated to the T. I've been to other story hour/toddler classes and they weren't nearly as good as this. She started by explaining to the parents the "rules" and she had a really good understanding of toddler behavior and age appropriate expectations. Her stories were very short, because obviously they have short attention spans. There were lots of rhymes, songs, felt board pictures, tapping drums, marching in circle, ringing bells, tossing a stuffed animal, saying animal noises, dancing with a scarf while listening to Vivaldi. There wasn't a moment to get bored. And the best part was that it was constant interaction between me and Saphira. I think her favorite part was when we had to give back the bells and scarfs and sing the clean up song. She's been cleaning up and singing the song all the time since then. Sooooo cute.

MA Senate race

2010-01-20T06:50:00.001-05:00

This wouldn't have happened if my man, Capuano, had won the primary.

The only way my life could suck worse than it does right now is if The Pats don't make the Superbowl... oh. wait...

Snowman for Coakley

2010-01-19T19:05:00.003-05:00

I built this 100 yards from precinct 1 in my city. :)

Suburban Sprawl

2010-01-12T12:44:00.005-05:00

I've read a lot of books on sprawl in America, because I think the subject is an important one; but this one by Andres Duany, Elizabeth Plater-Zyberk and Jeff Speck was by far the best: Suburban Nation: The Rise of Sprawl and the Decline of the American Dream. It shows the stunning contrast between sprawl and "mixed neighborhoods". Basically, the difference between cities designed a hundred years ago and most cities and suburbs designed today. I would like to summarize all of the titillating stuff I found in the book.

In sprawl entities are adjacent but not accessible. Case in point: the Walmart in the suburb near my house. My kids and I have ridden our bikes there because we love exercise, but the last 1/8 of a mile before the Walmart there is no sidewalk!!! (Unless we want to cross six lanes of traffic). We have to literally risk our lives to get there.
"Quick Mart" equals "an aluminum and glass flat topped building bathed in fluorescent light surrounded by asphalt and topped by a glowing plastic sign. The "corner store" (which the book advocates) is designed to blend in to the neighborhood. (And here where I live, often it is a former part of someone's house).
It quotes the Book "Death of Common Sense" which says this about the designers of sprawl: "They have no clear picture of what they want their communities to be... rather all the seem to imagine with is what they don't want: no mixed uses, no slow moving cars, no parking shortages, no overcrowding. Such prohibitions do not a city make."
Curved streets used to be determined by "undulating patterns of topography" because they limit connectivity and make smaller lots awkward to build on. But they are commonplace now, perhaps because they are more private, and harder for criminals to just "drive by" and target. The book concludes, "these lolipop shaped dead end streets make about as much sense as driving off road vehicles around the city".
"Our history is fraught with many different types of segregation- by race, by class, by how recently you immigrated- but for the first time we are now experiencing ruthless segregation by minute graduation of income. There have always been better or worse neighborhoods and the rich have always taken refuge from the poor but never with such precision. " Then, in the book, there is a picture of housing pods consisting entirely of $350,000+ houses next to a pod of 200,000 houses next to a pod of apartments for less than $100,000. The advantage of mixed neighborhoods is that there is more interaction between classes- more understanding of each other. Also more convenience- you live next to your doctor, babysitter etc. Elderly relatives next to grandchildren. Mansions down the street from apartments. You might think this would devalue the mansions but in "Kentlands" in Gaithersburg Maryland this design was tried and contrary to experts predictions, housing values soared.
Sadly you cannot build another Boston today because it is illegal! Zoning prohibits mixed buildings, right up against the sidewalk, etc. (Note: I live in a mixed building. An apartment above a bakery and salon and I love it and it's cheap)
I thought this line was funny "Subdivisions [in suburban sprawl] can be identified by their contrived names, which tend toward the romantic- Pheasant Mill Crossing and often pay tribute to the natural or historic resource they have displaced". Ha ha. I used to live at an apartment complex called "The Meadows"
"Residents of Suburbia spend an unprecedented amount of time and money moving from one place to the next". This reminds me of the Bible verse: "But you, Daniel, keep this prophecy a secret; seal up the book until the time of the end, when many will rush here and there, and knowledge will increase." Daniel 12:4
Narrow streets encourage safer slower driving. There are many studies to back this up. Similarly, more lanes leads to more traffic.
FYI for any urban planners reading this, the best planning manual is "Town Planning in Practice"
The advocates for 1:10 ratio of low income housing in neighborhoods. This seems right on to me. I've noticed that there seems to be a "tipping point" in which low income housing turns a neighborhood bad.
In urban sprawl moving up = moving out of your community. And in the case of the elderly downsizing also = leaving your community. This, does not a healthy society make.

"Cookie cutter" is a four letter word in the vocabulary of developers. They fight this with "superficial variety...different shapes, window types, different styles of tack on ornaments... but the best way to create real variety is to vary not the architectural style but the building type".

I've compiled a list of "smart growth" cities and "sprawl cities" that I gleaned from the book. I know I would only be happy in a mixed neighborhood city, so this list may someday be useful to me if I ever move.

Smart Growth Cities
Alexandria VA (interesting note: George Washington helped design this when he was 17)
Coral Gables of Charlston SC
Boston MA
Carmel (Indiana, I think)
Mashpee Commons, MA
Bathesdas
Santa Barbara
"Mizner Park" in Boca Raton, FL
Palmer Square in Princeton, NJ
San Francisco, CA
Savannah, GA
Georgeton in Washington DC
Kentlands in Gaithersburg, MD
Nantucket, MA
Charles Town, West Virginia
Sante Fe, New Mexico
Baltimore's Roland Park
(parts of) Chicago
Montreal
London
Tokyo
Philadelphia
Sea Side, FL
Winter Park, FL
Lowell, MA
Wyndercrest, MD
King District and Cabbagetown, Atlanta, GA

Sprawl Cities
Phoenix
Virginia Beach, VA
Hilton Head Island
Miami Dade County FL
San Bernadino
Tampa
Orlando
Houston
Syracuse, NY (though in Syracuse's defense, I used to live there and I walked to the city pool, the unviersity, the park, babysitting jobs, school, and friend's house. So maybe they're talking about another part of the city? :shrug
And speaking from experience: Chelmsford, MA

Here is a lovely video about the sort of thing I'm advocating.

AVATAR!!!

2010-01-10T21:37:00.002-05:00

OH. MY. GOSH. My new all time favorite movie. EVAH.

James Cameron didn't just direct it. He wrote it too. The man is a genius.

It was pretty romantic. Made me kind of fall in love with my husband again.

I've heard people say it had a "sad ending". I completely disagree. The ending rocked!!!

I got my face painted like an avatar at the theater and I love it. I would totally get it tattooed on my face, except that my husband won't let me.

They say that

bipolar can lower your inhibition.

and my psychiatrist says I

shouldn't make any big decisions right now

So I'm thinking that Now wouldn't be a good time to commit to a face tattoo.

The childhood I want to create

2010-01-02T08:52:00.005-05:00

When I think of a soothing home I really think of the mom's mood. She totally sets the tone for the home. Especially for young kids. I have fond memories of doing aerobics with my mom in the livingroom (is that why I became a fitness instructor?) and my mom playing the oboe. As a mom myself, I try to sing hymns around the house and -believe it or not- I know this seems the antithesis of that- dancing to hip-hop and rap with them. Ha ha. I play the flute. I jump on the mini trampoline with them. And the biggest one, I think, is cooking. The smell. The warmth from the oven. The taste of homecooked food. The love you feel when mommy cooks for you.
...which isn't to say that it's always like this. I screw up. A lot. But this is the ideal I shoot for.

Antibiotics rant

2009-12-28T10:33:00.005-05:00

Getting on my soapbox... We need to have a massive campaign to stop pumping antibiotics into our food supply animals. It's wrecking the antibiotic strength. And if that leads to having to go back to "traditional farming" than GREAT. That's just a bonus.

The United States now has it's first case of drug resistant TB.

I hate to be a downer, but I'm scared that this will never be addressed because Monsanto is too powerful. They sell the corn that the cattle feed on. They would never allow this.

Child Hunger Soaring in America

2009-12-23T11:35:00.003-05:00

There has definitely been a "perfect storm" of factors that has created this generation that is unable to survive in lean times.

Some of the factors:

I read this awesome book about how convenience foods were introduced and pushed starting in the 50's. It's pretty and

Then there is the government subsidy of corn!!! (Creating super cheap junk food)

Let's talk about beans and rice. The classic staple foods. They get me by on many a lean weeks (like this week). One of the keys to that recipe though is fresh, bulk beans and rice. The older stuff doesn't cook right. And the small packages jack up the price. These staple foods are not available in your average grocery store. It is only available in ethnic areas that actually buy it on a regular basis. Supply and demand. But obviously that's a vicious cycle. Poor people don't have access to it. Poor people don't know how to cook it. Poor people don't buy it. So stores don't sell it. Round and round.

Grocery stores in impoverished areas have small, expensive selections of fruits and vegetables. Many poor people don't have transportation to access decent produce.

Most American's don't know how to farm. They don't know how to cook. They're trapped in this horrible position. Honestly, I don't blame them at all! This is second/third generational. These girls mothers never taught them these skills. You have to go out of your way to learn them.

Poor, uneducated, and low IQ people have every obstacle in the world. I only have sympathy for them.

Stupid Christians

2009-12-16T11:05:00.004-05:00

Why are so many Christians gullible and brain dead? Why do they believe every crazy email they get and forward them? Why do they fall prey to every Republican scare tactic.

Thankfully, I don't get much junk forwarded email. And thankfully most of the Christians I know are educated, wise, and thoughtful.

Just to be a rebel I put the Muslim stamps on my Christmas cards. Ha ha. Although you'd never know. It's in the shape of a Christmas tree. Here's a pic.
But to the idiots forwarding this email I wanted to post it here and the beautiful response my friend Erin wrote:

If there is only ONE thing you forward today... let it be this!

Now President Obama has directed the United States Postal Service to REMEMBER and HONOR the EID MUSLIM holiday season with a new commemorative 44 Cent First ClassHoliday Postage Stamp..

REMEMBER to adamantly & vocally BOYCOTT this stamp, when you are purchasing your stamps at the post office.
All you have to say is "No thank you, I do not want that Muslim Stamp on my letters!"

To use this stamp would be a slap in the face to all those AMERICANS who died at the hands of those whom this stamp honors.

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of Pan Am Flight 103!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the World Trade Center in 1993!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the Marine Barracks in Lebanon!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the military Barracks in Saudi Arabia!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the American Embassies in Africa!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM bombing of the USS COLE!

REMEMBER the MUSLIM attack on 9/11/2001!

REMEMBER all the AMERICAN lives that were lost in those vicious MUSLIM attacks!

Pass this along to every Patriotic AMERICAN that you know and let's get the word out!

Erin's response:
hmmmm I am thinking about this type of thing more and more. I wonder what a Muslim family would feel if they received this type of email in their inbox. Not all Muslims bombed the world trade center, hijacked airliners, etc... nor did most Muslims endorse those actions.

I don't think that we should associate all Muslim men and women with the acts of a few, any more than we should associate all Christians with Westboro Baptist and their abhorrent actions.

The goal of everything that we say and do should be to promote the Gospel of Jesus. I'm not seeing much promotion of Jesus in forwarding boycotting Muslim stamps. In fact I think the opposite is being accomplished.

I have seen Christmas and Chanakkuah and Kwanza and even solstice stamps at the post office for years. Why shouldn't we have a Rammadin stamp? Should the sins of a few in that religion be something that means they aren't allowed to have the same priviladges as the other religions in this country?

I do believe that Islam is wrong. I believe that it is actually the only major world religion that is founded and guided by Satan rather than just the flesh of men. But I also believe that men and women in this religion should be loved just like any other. I want to see more and more people seeking out Yeshua, the true God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob. Not the false god of Abraham that the Muslims have set up

I'm just really searching myself on this subject. Wondering how to walk the fine line between being patriotic, remembering that we are at war with only the extremist people of a religion not just a country, and also remember that we are at the same time to love all people to share the gospel of Christ. I'm trying to figure out for myself how this type of thing is promoting the Gospel of Christ.

An exciting night last night

2009-12-13T22:58:00.004-05:00

It started the way most exciting nights around here start... a Cambodian birthday party, a lot of drunk adults, a big fight. I dragged Timmy out of the house before someone got hurt. On the way out he punched the wall. When we got home and looked at his hand it looked like the pinky was dislocated. I thought about trying to fix it myself. We discussed looking up how to "pop it in" online. You know how emergency rooms can be such a crap shoot. About half the times I've gone I've regretted it... long waits, no help.

Well, this time we made the right call and decided to go. His hand was x-rayed. woooh-eee. If I could get the pictures to post I will. It was CRAZY looking. The doc said it was dislocated in two places but the main dislocation was the bone in the hand, not the pinky. A bone was chipped during the dislocation and the doc said he may need surgery to prevent it from popping out again.

They numbed it up and then the nurse pulled on his arm while the doctor pulled on his hand and they tugged with all their might but they just couldn't get it!!! It was awful! Timmy was such a trooper though. We had pretty much given up and the nurse turned her back to get some bandages when the doctor tried a completely different position and pushed the bone into place with his thumbs. Timmy said he could immediately tell it was in the right position.

Then they put a semi-cast on it and gave him some awesome pain medicine. We talked to the nurses about the awful job prospects for new grads. They gave me lots of sympathy and one of them even wrote down a list of places I should try applying at.

The pathetic part of the story is that my husband and I had a great time. If felt like a date. We must not get enough alone time, because we've both been raving about how much fun it was to hang out together for a couple of hours without any kids.

Update: He's in a full cast now.

A memory

2009-12-11T14:04:00.000-05:00

My husband is going to a wake today. Which reminds me of a memory from my past. When I was about six years old my uncle died. I went to his funeral and saw his body. At the reception I ate carrot cake, which is one of my favorites. Just as I bit into it I remembered the creepy look of the cold dead body. It took me twenty years before I could enjoy carrot cake again.

An anticlimactic election

2009-12-09T00:56:00.003-05:00

Today was the big election. We're finding a replacement for our beloved Senator Ted Kennedy who passed away. It's actually a primary. But that's just a technicality because the Massachusetts Senate seat always goes Democrat. It's a rule.

I've been all pumped up to vote for Capuano. Telling everyone I know to vote for him. Excitedly watching the polling data. You get the idea. So this morning I strut into my precinct voting facility. I tell them my name and address. I collect my voting paper. And I look down in horror to see the names of two Republican candidates. I never changed my party registration!!!! Disappointed, I handed the paper back to the lady. She and the other volunteer looked startled and then tried to figure out what the protocol was to undo a voter check in.

Perhaps I got to vote anyway though. When I was at my sister in laws this morning I was chatting with an elderly Cambodian man. He barely spoke English. My husband was telling him that I was going to vote. He said he was too! Surprised and curious I asked him who he was voting for. His response was basically, "I have no idea". ha ha. I told him to vote for Mike.

In the end the race that I hoped would be tight ended up being a clean victory for Martha Coakley. Oh well. I hadn't gotten my hopes up toooo much, because the polls were showing a victory for her before hand. I am pleased to have a female representing us though. I mean, to have a female representing us after we attend to this minor detail of a thing called an "election". lol.

2009-12-05T13:00:00.001-05:00

From an OB blog:

Delayed Cord Clamping Should Be Standard Practice in Obstetrics

Yes! I never saw a shred of evidence for immediate clamping. How the heck did it become commonplace? It's bizarre!!!!

Does anyone else go: when watching a tv reenactment or a news show about an emergency home/car birth. Everyone's all panicky and there's a bloody cold baby on the ground and what's the biggest priority??? Gotta tie that cord off with a shoe string!!!!!!

The Role of the Extended Family

2009-12-02T01:04:00.003-05:00

I wrote this in reaction to the Manhattan Declaration. I'm annoyed as all get out that Christians are still pouring their energy into trampling human rights in the misguided belief that a gay couple somehow, miraculously, effects my marriage. News flash. It doesn't. This article that I wrote has, actually, very little to do with that subject, so don't click away just yet! Read on and find out my theory on the TRUE cause of the demise of marriage and family in America.

The American church is somewhat focused on supporting/protecting marriage. And rightly so. The divorce rate is sad. Our culture is seemingly falling apart at the seams. Lets talk about the root causes of divorce. I have my pet theory and I'd like to hear yours.

My pet theory stems from the collapse of the extended family. I feel so privileged to be a part of a big extended family through my husband. (I'll admit that's part of what attracted me about him). If you'll bear with me I'd like to:

describe some of the qualities of a close extended family
and then discuss in more detail how this supports marriage
and the political/religious ramifications of this...

Some qualities you might find in a close extended family- the kind God designed us to have!:

We all live together or near each other.
We eat together probably every other day. Cooking is a centerpiece to the home.
The people range in age from newborn to elderly with very few age gaps.
We fight. We get on each others nerves. There is dysfunction. There is mental illness. But in the end we protect each other. We support each other. We forgive each other. We don't give up on each other.
Most socialization occurs through family. Not the church. Not hobbies. Not sports. FAMILY.
There is no loneliness. Children live a childhood free from friendlessness or being left out or picked on.
Elderly people are respected and taken care of. And like the children, never lonely.

OK. How does this support marriage? First of all, many of the root causes of divorce are nipped in the bud. If a man isn't taking care of his family or is hitting his wife, the extended family observes this and steps in. Elders set a good example for youngers. Often time there is an alpha male and an alpha female in the extended family. In a case like this the alpha male might have to physically intervene. (This has happened in my husband's family. He choked his brother in law when he tried to drive his family home completely drunk).

Secondly, because most socialization occurs in the family, your role is so much more than just wife. You are also: aunt, cousin, sister in law, etc. So to divorce a husband you have to divorce yourself from all those other roles too. One of you, inevitably would have to "leave" the group. This is so sacrificial it makes divorce undesirable in all except the most extreme circumstances.

So. To the political and church ramifications. How do we support marriage in America? Well, I can tell you one thing that isn't going to make a wink of a difference in my marriage- and that is whether Joe and Steve can marry. So stop wasting time on that battle. Its misplaced energy!

Here are some things conservative Christians should be supporting:

Mom's at home
Duplex and in-law apartment type housing
Slow cooking. Home cooking.
Large families. Bountiful children.

Things we should be more cautious about- not necessarily protest- but just be aware that it isn't "ideal":

Single houses. Far apart.
Daycare
Fast food. Convenience food.
Small families.
Church engagements, ministries, hobbies, sports outside of the home
Elderly housing

If you look back to the beginnings of the New Testament, entire households were often converted together.

And I'd like to encourage those of you who aren't in an extended family like this, that the chance to create this beautiful community is renewed with every generation. So, when your kids grow up and begin to have children of their own you can invite them to live near you, continue a close relationship with you, and you can take the honorary "alpha " role.

NOTE: This may be the first of a two or three part series. Depending on how busy I get with my new online bachelors classes. lol.